Ghost of the Past
by Joannawrites
Summary: Wicks has survived his gunshot wound. He now is after his stolen money, and the young girl who escaped him years ago. Lou, along with the rest of her rider family, must face her devastating past if she is to have a chance at a future. Episode Reference: Goodnight, Sweet Charlotte *Post-episode *alternative ending (Complete)
1. Chapter 1: Secrets

Ghost of the Past

Summary: Wicks has survived his gunshot wound. He now is after his stolen money, and the young girl who escaped him years ago. Lou, along with the rest of her rider family, must face her dangerous ghost of the past if she is to have a chance at a future.

Episode Reference: Goodnight, Sweet Charlotte

*Post-episode *alternative ending

 _A/N: I reposted this without doing a lot of polishing originally, and it was bugging me, so I'm making some changes and re-posting as I do, as I did with Bond So Strong and Captives. The story is materially staying the same, but I'm adding some conversations and things that probably should have been there all along._

Chapter One: Secrets

Kid sat quietly in the marshal's office, staring out the window, with a dark expression on his face. From behind his desk, Teaspoon studied him carefully for a long while before commenting.

"Kid, that glass is gonna melt if you keep blazing holes through it with your eyes."

Kid swung his head towards Teaspoon, his boss and friend, distracted. "What?"

Teaspoon met the young man's troubled gaze and wondered, "You been staring out that window like you're afraid the devil's gonna come through it if you blink, Kid."

Kid attempted a smile, but it never reached his eyes, "Sorry, Teaspoon, I guess I ain't being real good company."

"What's on your mind son?" He wondered.

"A lot, really, but I can't really say much about it."

"Have anything to do with that Wick's character that's got Lou so shook up?" Teaspoon asked casually, searching Kid's face for some sign of what had happened between his favorite female rider and the stranger who had held her up in the woods and caused her such worry the past several days. She had been close-lipped about it, and Kid was too, though he looked as rattled as Lou now.

Kid shrugged evasively. Actually, as usual, Teaspoon was right. The last few days had been hell on Lou. First, a friend from her past had showed up, troubling her with bad memories. Then, chasing behind her was a man named Wicks, who had driven the beautiful woman to kill herself. Wicks had then gone after Lou, convinced that she had the money Charlotte had stolen from him. Lou had gotten the upper hand during the struggle that followed, and pulled a gun on Wicks. Kid had ridden up just in time to stop her from killing him. Only after Wicks was brought into town and shot by another man had Lou confided in him, and Kid was furious McKay had had the pleasure of killing him.

He understood now, the strange mix of terror and madness in her eyes when he had found Lou holding a gun on Wicks, toying with his life in an uncharacteristically reckless way. Now, he wished he'd let her kill him. _Hell_ , he thought furiously, and his hands wanted to tremble with rage, _I wish I'd killed him myself._

"The doctor thinks he is going to make it?" Kid wondered suddenly through clenched teeth, looking at the whitening knuckles above his clenched fist.

After Wicks had been shot at point blank range, they'd all assumed he was dead. He had dropped into Kid's arms like a stone. Kid had left him on the dirt and led an uncharacteristically docile Lou into the Marshal's office. He could still remember her face blank with shock when she had sat motionlessly staring at the body. He had just wanted to get her away from Wicks, even though they had thought the man was dead and couldn't trouble her again.

"Yeah...the bullet went right through. Didn't hit anything important. He bled some, but he will be up soon. Just knocked him out cold when he got hit."

Teaspoon told him when the undertaker had come to get the body, he'd had quite a scare when Wicks suddenly moaned. Lou and he had both been back at the station by then.

About an hour ago, Lou had asked Noah if she could take his ride, though she had just returned. Noah had been reluctant to let her ride back out so soon. Kid had been near mad with worry over it, but she insisted she needed the miles to think things through after Charlotte's death, and none of them could deny Lou much when she turned her big eyes on them.

Teaspoon said quietly, "It's amazing, he was shot just about the same spot as Ike, and from a much closer range, and he lived and Ike didn't. Not more than a few centimeters and Ike could still be with us."

Kid nodded sadly but added to himself, _not more than a few centimeters and that son of a bitch would be dead. And I ain't sure I ain't gonna finish the job first chance I get._

Still, there was pain in Teaspoon's voice, fresh and raw. Kid walked over to the rail by the desk and perched on it, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. Next to Buck, Teaspoon seemed to be taking the loss of Ike the hardest.

Kid's mind was too filled with the image of Lou as she sat on a hay bale across the aisle of the stable from him, telling him what she'd kept to herself for so very long to dwell on Ike at the moment.

 _I'm ready to listen,_ he had told her when she had nervously ventured she wanted to talk.

But he'd been wrong. He could have never been ready for the story of her past and the man who had taken so much more than her innocence.

* * *

"Kid, I wasn't smart, hadn't had so much schoolin' or seen much of the world outside Boggs' camp...it was bad there but my Mama sheltered us as good as she could. She died before she could teach me about the world...about men like my father. When Wicks found me, I had been on my own for about six weeks. I was near to freezing to death in the stall by his horse's feet. He talked nice, and I had no idea what kind of a man he was...my father never talked nice...no one would have ever mistaken him for a nice man...I didn't know the kind of man he was...I wish I had, but I just didn't. Even when I knew what kind of a place it was...I didn't know what kind of man he was. The ladies, they were scared of him, but I never saw anything but their fine dresses and pretty things. Figured they had to be happy...they had full bellies, warm beds, and men paying them compliments. It all seemed so lovely. God, I was a fool."

He had protested that, but she held up a hand and shook her head. She didn't want his reassurance and, he realized, she didn't want to lose her courage to finish the story.

"Charlotte kind of protected me from the worst of it like my mama had...so when Wicks came for me just after I turned fourteen, I was afraid, but I still didn't really understand what was happening to me. Then...when he…" she had struggled to say it, then spit it out, "was on m-me, I tried so hard to fight him, but I wasn't strong enough. When fighting didn't work", her eyes had misted with tears, "when fighting didn't work I begged him. I'm so ashamed of that, but I did because it hurt so much...and I thought he might kill me...but he didn't stop. I figured out pretty soon he...he liked hurting me. After that, I just tried to be still and quiet."

Kid had made a strangled sound of distress and his sight of her blurred through hot tears of fury and grief, but he forced them back with difficulty. She pushed on with the story even though he didn't want to know any more, the urge to scream at her to stop, that he couldn't stand it, was getting harder to swallow down with sheer will.

"Charlotte knew he'd never stop, so she told me what would happen if I stayed, had I been inclined. First, Wicks would sell me as a virgin to the highest bidder even though I wasn't one any more, and after that he'd sell me to anybody that had the money and wanted a young girl who wasn't willing and might have some fight left. Some men pay good money to leave marks on a girl's skin. That would have gone on either until I resigned myself that my body wasn't mine no more or until I was just broken enough by that type of man to insure I would behave with the other customers….or until one went too far and killed me, which happened twice in the time I was there. I had seen it, I washed the bloody sheets. If I survived with my spirit broken but not my body, I would have been one of the regular whores. Wicks figured his ladies would stay in line with his regular customers after being with that first group who dealt in pain as much as sex...thought they would be thankful to him not to be hired out for beatings and rape. But Charlotte got me away before any of that happened...the next morning by breakfast I was gone. I was too much a coward to ask her if Wicks found out it was her that helped me escape and what he did to her if so…he would have beaten me to death if he caught me…all this time later I still catch myself looking over my shoulder, afraid he would make me go back there…"

Kid's stomach had lurched violently as rage bubbled to his throat and he couldn't listen any more. He'd leapt up from the hay bale to strike a wall in fury. Seeing Lou withdraw from his anger, flinching in leftover fear, he'd quickly dropped his hands, turning his back to her while he gathered himself, breathing hard as if he had run a long distance, warring with tears and nausea and blinding, berserk anger with no live target. When he was sure he was in control, he had gone to her and sat beside her rather than across from her.

It had startled her to have him approach her. She'd avoided his eyes, her own were swimming in tears of shame. Sensing she'd pull away from an embrace, Kid had resisted the urge to gather her into his arms and never let go again. Instead he had reached out to slide her trembling hand between both of his. So finally he knew why she'd done it, why she'd hidden herself from the world and taken such a hard road. He would have given anything he had to spare her from the memory she lived now, had lived over and over all week, if not every day since it had happened to her.

He thought back to their first night of intimacy, viewing it through a new lens now. Hers. His eyes stung thinking of the trust she'd given him after suffering something like that. He hadn't known of course, not at the time, and the knowledge paired with the memory of that night, felt akin to someone booting him in the gut.

He'd wanted her so very badly. _Was I gentle enough_? He wondered. _Did I scare her, hurt her, like he did? Remind her of that time in any way?_ He couldn't ask her. It wasn't his right. Not now. Not when things between them were unsettled and confusing, and he was just regaining her trust.

Kid didn't recognize his voice when he finally mastered it enough for speech. "I would have killed him on the spot if I'd known. Goddamn it, I can't believe I stopped you from killing him! You had every right!"

She'd shaken her head, and finally glanced up into his eyes, "You stopped me from murdering a man in cold blood, Kid. That might be something hard for me to move past."

Kid had swung his head in irritation, still feeling soul-sick. " _I_ could have moved past murdering him _slow_ if I had known," he hissed.

"I would not have wanted that...I ain't sure I would have ever told you when he was alive cause I would have been afraid you'd go after him and I wouldn't want his blood on your hands because he is below you. But, he's dead now Kid, and I'll sleep easier tonight knowing it. Kid, please...don't look so angry. I told you because I am leaving it behind today. It's done now. It's really over…do you understand?"

When her eyes had met his imploringly, he had let the anger drain away, replaced it with great wells of tenderness. Kid smiled at her, and put his arm around her shoulders carefully, and made sure she didn't tense at the touch before pulling her to him in a protective embrace and saying, "Yeah. I understand, Lou. It is done and I swear no one will ever hurt you like that again."

And she had lay her head on his shoulder and let herself be held, be safe.

* * *

"Hey, Kid, you're are about to pinch my arm off at the shoulder," Teaspoon's voice suddenly broke through the conversation playing in Kid's mind.

"Huh?" Kid suddenly realized he'd never released Teaspoon's shoulder and his fingers had clamped onto it as he thought about his rage.

"Lou left on Noah's run before we found out Wicks wasn't dead, Teaspoon," Kid suddenly said, withdrawing his death hold on Teaspoon's shoulder and playing with his hat instead, "You going to lock him up if he lives right?"

Teaspoon sighed, "Kid, Charlotte shot herself, Lou won't tell me whatever it is that has her running scared and jumping at her own shadow, and unless she's willing to testify that he held her up in the woods, which I have a feeling she won't be since she won't even talk to me about it, I can't keep him here. Even if she did testify, he didn't actually hurt her, Kid."

" _What do you mean he didn't hurt her,_ God damn it!" Kid exploded at that, taking Teaspoon by surprise. Kid seemed to realize what he was saying and stopped suddenly, before continuing. "He could have! He _would_ have if she hadn't pulled the gun on him!" Kid insisted, "And what if he tries again?"

"Would have, did and might are very different cases in the eyes of the law, Kid," Teaspoon commented, squinting at him and feeling the boy's tightly wound agitation, "Is there something you want to tell me that would help Lou?"

Kid looked Teaspoon squarely in the eyes and considered telling him what he knew, but realized that Lou would see that as betrayal, even if it was for her own good. She had given him her trust, and he couldn't imagine breaking that trust, so newly rewon. After all, he had always been comfortable carrying Lou's secrets safely. This could not be any different. "No, Teaspoon, there's nothing I _can_ tell you."

Teaspoon heard the qualification in his voice as Kid's agonized eyes slipped away from his. He understood. There might be something Kid wanted to tell him, but whatever it was, he could not, or would not.

Teaspoon might have pushed him, but suddenly the doors flew open and a dust clad Hickok strode into the marshal's office, beating at his dirty clothes.

"Well mighty nice of you to remember us Jimmy," Teaspoon drawled sarcastically, "Did you forget that we moved to Rock Creek, or just decide to take a little holiday?"

"Aw, come on Teaspoon," Jimmy groaned, "I've had a bad week."

"And how is that?" Teaspoon wondered, hiding a smile. He always enjoyed deviling the boy, although admittedly it had been more fun in the beginning when Jimmy was such a hot-headed fool.

"I found an Indian brave that had been shot. I took care of him, but he died. I took him into the mountains to his people." Jimmy sighed wearily.

Teaspoon clapped Jimmy on the back, squinting as a cloud of dust rose and swirled about them, "I'm sorry it turned out that way son, but you did right and I am glad you're back in one piece."

"Just wish he would have made it," Jimmy mumbled and before Teaspoon could offer reassurance, held up a gloved hand. "I know, I know. I did the best I could," he muttered. Teaspoon nodded.

Shrugging, Jimmy glanced at Kid, who had not said a word, but rather was staring out the window like he wanted to kill someone on the other side of it. Jimmy craned his head to look, but the street outside was empty. He took off his hat and waved it in front of Kid, who swiveled icy eyes at him, then with annoyance clear on his features, resumed his death stare at the street.

"What's with him?" Jimmy wondered.

"Ask him over dinner," Teaspoon said, and slapped Kid on the back, breaking him out of his brooding. "You boys go get washed up for supper and tell Rachel I'll be along directly."

Teaspoon watched as his riders walked from the office, smiling when Jimmy turned to Kid and wondered, "So what's he talking about? What happened here?"

Kid shot Teaspoon a dirty look before he turned the corner. Once he saw they were gone, Teaspoon made his way out the door and to the doctor's house.

"He'll be fine, Doc?" Teaspoon wondered once he stood on the Doctor's porch. It occurred to him that just few weeks ago he'd stood in front of the same man asking the same question about Ike. The answer had been different, their world shaken by it.

"Yeah, he'll make it. Be on his feet by tomorrow, might want to send a deputy to watch him tonight and bring him to the jail tomorrow."

"Not holding him," Teaspoon muttered, and shook his head, almost in disbelief that he was saying it. "Just have him stop by my office to collect his belongings."

It was a damn hard thing to wonder if things would be better if a man had died, but there was something about this Wicks fellow that had Teaspoon ready to put a hole through his heart, and he certainly knew Kid wanted to do the same thing. If he couldn't put a bullet in him, though, he could sure put the fear of God there instead. At least Kid had some idea why Wicks was better off dead. Trying to extract an answer from Lou had been like milking a rock, for him, at least.

She had steadfastly refused to tell him why Wicks had accosted her on her run. He had demanded an answer from her in the jail after he'd locked up McKay, trying to understand what the hell was happening to her. She'd obtained the same balky, shifty-eyed look she had when he had asked her before about the man she said killed her friend.

 _How the hell am I supposed to help ya if you won't tell me what ya know?_

He was starting to think he didn't _want_ to know after seeing Kid's stricken face this afternoon as he'd come barging back in, demanding to know if the rumors Wicks had survived were true. The boy had looked ready to lose his lunch when Teaspoon confirmed it.

Teaspoon _needed_ to know.

He had wanted to push Lou harder for a definitive answer on how she knew Wicks. But because he had thought the man dead anyway, he'd bitten his tongue. Still, he'd never seen her look quite so...diminished, or fragile...or scared. And he didn't like that look on her one bit.

* * *

 ****

 **"I need someone to take my run tomorrow," Kid announced over his roast.**

 **"Now, Kid, everyone's been out or has a run scheduled. You're the only rested rider here," Rachel pointed out.**

 **Kid sighed and rubbed his forehead head as it ached, "I know, I know."**

 **"Something wrong Kid? I mean, I guess I could go if it was an emergency," Jimmy volunteered, though he didn't successfully hide the grimace as he did so.**

 **"This Wicks fellow going to keep you from doing your job now?" Teaspoon asked in a quiet tone, eyeing Kid disapprovingly as looks flew around the table from one boy to the next.**

 **Sighing again, Kid shook his head. Jimmy could barely walk straight he was so exhausted and saddle sore. "Thanks Jimmy, but Teaspoon's right. It's my turn, and you've just had a bad ride."**

 **Jimmy asked for the hundredth time, "Who is this Wicks fellow? Really, I mean."**

 **Rachel glanced at her plate, and Kid knew she was the only other person who knew at least something about Wicks and what he was to Lou. Rachel met his eyes briefly and the weight of their burden was heavy between them, as was their love of Lou. She finally murmured weakly, "he's someone Lou knew once."**

 **"And?" Jimmy pried.**

 **"Someone that was responsible for the death of her friend Charlotte," Kid supplied through tightly pressed lips.**

 **"Well, I for one think something else happened. Lou's acting downright jumpy, even though she knew the woman really shot herself," Cody blurted out, drawing warning glances from all the other riders, who thought the same thing but were smart enough to keep their mouths shut.**

 **"Cody," Teaspoon warned quietly, daring to hope the boy might take a hint for once.**

 **"What? All's I'm saying is that she was acting down right strange and more prickly than usual, and I think she knows more about this fellow than she is letting on!" Cody persisted around a mouth full of food.**

 **"That's enough Cody, it's Lou's business," Noah finally spelled it out for him. Cody's brow wrinkled as he finally caught the nervous stares of the others.**

 **"Oh," he said meekly, "Well, fine. Still don't see what harm it does to wonder."**

 **"Yeah, well, wonder about this!"**

 **Buck smiled and tossed a biscuit for his head. Cody wasn't fast enough and it hit him square in the face. Before he could retaliate, Rachel held up her hands, "Billy! Don't even think about it!"**

* * *

 ****

 **"Jimmy, can I talk to you for a second?" Kid asked later that night as he and his friend sat on the corral fence watching the sunset.**

 **"Sure, what's on your mind?" Jimmy suddenly grinned, "No, wait, let me guess."**

 **"It's Lou," Kid said, too worried to catch the humor.**

 **"Now, I would have taken odds on that one," Jimmy murmured softly, a smile in his tone. Then he sobered, "you finally going to spill it?"**

 **"I can't tell you what all is going on, but there's more to all this than you think."**

 **"You don't say?" Jimmy asked.**

 **Kid was preoccupied enough that the sarcasm was lost, but Jimmy forgave him for it. "I was just wondering if, well, if you'd look after Lou for the next couple of days or so while I'm gone," Kid didn't meet Jimmy's eyes, and Jimmy knew that it took a lot of swallowed pride for Kid to ask him that. Not so long ago, he'd been jealous of Jimmy's friendship with Lou, and had warned him to stay away from her altogether. Although Lou only regarded him as a friend, Jimmy shifted uncomfortably at his friend's blind trust now. He had a feeling that he did care a little more about Lou than he should.**

 **"Is she in some kind of trouble?" He searched Kid's gaze, surprised by the distress he saw there.**

 **"I don't know," Kid hedged then sighed and answered honestly, "Yeah. I think so."**

 **"If I am gonna keep her safe, you have to give me some idea what I'm up against, Kid," Jimmy reasoned.**

 **"Please, just watch her," Kid pleaded, "Don't let her know you are but stay close to her. She'll be safe if you keep an eye on her. You're the only person I trust to do it."**

 **"Kid, it goes without saying that I'll look out for her, but what am I looking** ** _for_** **?"**

 **"A man named Wicks, and that's all I can tell you. If he is near her, kill him." Kid replied flatly, walking away.**

 **"A man named Wicks," Jimmy repeated softly when Kid was gone.**

* * *

 ****

 **"Teaspoon, is Wicks going to go free?"**

 **Teaspoon jumped in surprise and spun to face the door of his office. Rachel was standing there, hands clasped in front of her nervously.**

 **"You snuck up on me, Rachel," he scolded.**

 **"Well, is he?"**

 **Teaspoon sighed. His decision, although lawful, sure didn't seem popular, "I don't have any charges to bring against him, none that will stand up in court. Lou won't talk. Wicks is a powerful man in St. Joe, Rachel."**

 **Rachel walked into the office and poured Teaspoon a cup of coffee from the small stove. Handing it to him, she wondered, "Teaspoon, what do you think is best? To do something for somebody that isn't your place and betray them, in their eyes, or to not do something even knowing there is a risk they could get hurt worse?"**

 **"Seems like a simple enough answer to me. Avoid the greater evil. Protect that person even if they don't seem interested in protection."**

 **"Well then, there is something I've got to tell you. But it can't leave this room," Rachel said.**

 **"Fair enough," Teaspoon nodded, "So who is this fellow to Lou?"**

 **Rachel smiled slightly, "Didn't think for a minute you'd not know who I was talking about."**

 **Teaspoon lifted a shoulder.**

 **Rachel sighed, fidgeting. "I can't believe I'm about to tell you this. Wicks was Lou's boss. She worked in a brothel."**

 **"** ** _What_** **!" Teaspoon exclaimed, nearly tipping over backwards in his chair.**

 **In other circumstances she might have laughed at the shock on Teaspoon's face. It took a lot to take him completely by surprise, and that revelation had done it.**

"No! Nothing like that! She did laundry!" Rachel exclaimed. "She was too young to even know what kind of a place it was when she started. The woman who shot herself last week was one of Wick's whores and Lou's friend, thank God or Lou might still be at that place with that Godforsaken bastard. Seems like Wicks let Lou alone for about a year, but then she caught his eye, and he broke into her room and raped her." Rachel's eyes shone with tears as Teaspoon glanced furiously at the floor before massaging his temples and pushing out his breath through his nose.

"Charlotte helped her get away from him. When Lou did get away, she was so scared of that happening to her again, that she cut her hair and started acting like a boy. It's how she came to us as Lou."

Teaspoon sighed and nodded, "Always knew there was something that made her do that, and I even figured it might be something along those lines, if I am being truthful. But it doesn't make it any easier knowing that the man who did it is here, and there is _nothing_ I can do about it."

"I just thought you should know, because I am pretty sure that Kid does. Teaspoon, I'm worried about how he'll react if he sees Wicks again, if Lou told him half what she told me. And if any of the others find out, then there will be no stopping them. They'll kill the man for sure."

"Can't say I'd blame them, but of course I can't let them do that. I'm sending Wicks packing. Hopefully, he'll be gone by the time Lou gets back, and I can keep Kid away until then. I don't think Wicks will have any reason to try to get at Lou after he leaves, but we will keep an eye on her until we are sure of it."

"I sure hope you're right," Rachel said softly. "But why would he go after her on her run if he was done with her…"

"Been wondering that myself. Lou didn't say what Wicks might still want with her did she?" Teaspoon wondered. "There was something she said about Wicks being after Charlotte's money..."

Rachel shrugged. "She didn't say anything about any money to me, except whatever Charlotte spent getting her on a stage out of there.

Teaspoon rubbed his temples again. "I wish she would talk to me Rachel. I thought...I thought she trusted me."

Rachel smiled and rubbed Teaspoon's shoulder while he slouched in his chair. "Teaspoon, she _loves_ you...but this is hard for her. She's got so much shame rolled up in so much fear...she has blamed herself for it for years, she can't believe the people that love her won't blame her too. She is trying to work through it...but we gotta let her do it her way, at her pace."

"But that don't make a bit of sense to me. How could we blame her? She was a child, him a grown man...she has gotta have more faith in us than that.. in me…"

Rachel heard the hurt in his voice. He wanted to heal everything for all his boys...and girl...so badly. The fact Lou refused to let him was a blow to him.

"Teaspoon...you are trying to make this about your feelings. She thinks you hung the moon...she is afraid you'd think less of her knowing this was in her past."

"That don't make sense," he repeated.

"How many of your biggest fears from childhood on make sense?" Rachel charged him. "She loves you and Lord knows you love her. That's what is important...best thing you can do to help her is do that-love her."

"You're a smart woman," he finally sighed.

"Teaspoon, I see that look in your eye. Killing the man is not what Lou needs you to do."

He didn't respond to that and nodded toward Rachel. "It's late. Let me walk you back."

"You could use some sleep too."

"I'm gonna walk the streets awhile, make sure everything is calm," he said, but he knew that she knew he was lying. He had a lot on his mind, and he wanted some time to sort out how he was going to deal with the man who'd put his hands on a child. And that child had been _his_ Lou.

* * *

 **The next morning, Teaspoon brooded at his desk again, awaiting the arrival of Wicks. His boots were propped up on his desk, with his hat tipped low over his eyes. To a passerby he would appear oblivious to his surroundings, but Teaspoon's sharp ears didn't miss a thing.**

 **He was deep in thought about Lou, as he had been for most of the restless night before, when Kid and Buck strolled in his office.**

 **"Don't you have a run in the not too distant future, Kid?" Teaspoon muttered, not looking up.**

 **"Don't worry, Teaspoon, Katy's ready to go. I just thought I'd stop by here for a minute."**

 **"Why for?" Teaspoon asked, pushing his hat back, "You ain't planning on causing any trouble now are you?"**

 **"Course not," Kid said.**

 **Just then Jesse burst through the door, his eyes wide with excitement.**

 **"He's coming!" He exclaimed.**

 **"Would you care to be more specific Jesse?" Teaspoon asked in irritation.**

 **"Wicks!"**

 **"And how do you know anything about him? Eavesdropping again, I'd suspect," Teaspoon reprimanded him. Jesse had the sense to look ashamed.**

 **"Kid, I want you to go now, Buck, you too."**

 **"Not a chance, Teaspoon, I'm staying around in case there's any trouble," Kid planted his feet.**

 **"Just you don't go starting it!" Teaspoon warned and shook his head when he saw murder in Kid's eyes.**

Just then the door opened and all four of them swung around. A tall man in a well-cut suit walked in, and though he favored his wound, arrogance radiated from him.

"Kid," Teaspoon warned almost _before_ Kid bristled and pulled himself taller. He knew Kid's thoughts because they were his own to a degree. He just had more practice at control.

"Marshal, I've come to collect my things," Wicks said breezily.

"Not before you and I come to an understanding," Teaspoon said flatly.

"Now, Marshal, I've already been unjustly shot for no reason."

"You drove a woman to kill herself and held up one of my riders."

"Louise? I'd hardly call that a hold up. Louise and I go way back," He chuckled softly.

Something that resembled a guttural growl escaped from Kid's throat, and before any one of them knew what had happened, Kid had rushed Wicks, and knocked him to the ground, swinging wildly at his face.

Teaspoon, though reluctant to do so, quickly grabbed Kid hard, and with Buck's help dragged him off of the man, who'd turned the color of buttermilk and was breathing heavily. A spot of blood showed through the man's shirt.

"I'll kill you! I swear I will!" Kid screamed as he struggled against Buck and Teaspoon's hold like a wild creature.

"Get him out of here, now!" Teaspoon growled at Buck, and helped push Kid towards the door, "Go back to the station, and go on your run. I want you in control by the time you ride back into Rock Creek, understand?"

"You can't let him go, you don't know what he did!" Kid protested when Teaspoon finally released his shirt. The boy was near tears under his rage.

"I know more than you think, son. Trust me to take care of this."

Kid's eyes found Wick's across the office, and he stared at him as he fired back, "If anything happens to her, Teaspoon, I'll kill him with my bare hands."

"I expect you will," Teaspoon sighed, knowing there really would be no stopping him. He shifted his gaze to Buck. "Go back with him, keep him there until he rides out."

Buck, though his brow was wrinkled in confusion, was nevertheless too unobtrusive to demand an explanation for Kid's outrage and behavior, and he silently put a hand under Kid's elbow and pulled him out .

Teaspoon found Wicks picking himself up off the floor and wiping at his bloody nose and lip with a too-clean white handkerchief.

"You should learn to control your riders better, marshal. What kind of misfits do you keep around here? Gunfighters, half-breeds, negroes, and ex-whores?"

Teaspoon found his iron control slipping, and his fingers rested on his gun. Wick's gaze flicked to it nervously, which didn't escape Teaspoon's attention.

"When you raped that little girl a few years ago, you got away with it, and I suspect you are proud of that," Teaspoon's voice was dangerously quiet. "But I'm here to tell you, if you ever lay eyes, much less hands, on her again there are six of us that will make sure you pay in ways you ain't inventive enough to imagine. Do we have a perfectly clear understanding?"

"Why, is this a threat Marshal? I don't think you realize who I am," Wicks growled back, but licked his lips nervously as Teaspoon held his gaze unblinkingly. "Now Marshal, why would I want to touch that girl again? She was quite a pretty little girl, if I remember correctly, but now, she doesn't really catch my fancy. Spoiled goods, you know?"

That snapped the thread of control that Teaspoon had been able to maintain so far. Drawing his gun, Teaspoon jammed it under Wick's throat hard.

Wick's forehead broke out in a sweat, but had succeeded in rattling the marshal and knew it. "Oh, come on now. Is she really worth hanging for, Marshal?"

"Yes, she is," Teaspoon growled without hesitation, "And you'd be wise never to forget it. I'll cut off every dangling part of your body if you come near her, Wicks. You will never rest easy again, mark my words! Get out of here!" He roared.

"As soon as you give me my guns," Wicks answered.

"Go!"

Wicks had the good sense to do just that, and was pale as he made his way into the winter morning. Teaspoon followed him out, making sure he headed for the livery stable.

Meanwhile, back in the Marshal's office, a very shocked, very white, Jesse moved out from the shadows. Not only had learning what had happened to Lou shocked him, but seeing Kid, then Teaspoon become so unglued unsettled him greatly. Not sure what he should do with his newly acquired information, he slowly made his way back towards the bunkhouse.

* * *

 ****

 **"Rider Comin'!" Jimmy yelled out from the porch as he spotted Lou's big black horse, Lightning, coming fast.**

 **"Kid, better mount up," Rachel called quietly from where she was washing windows.**

 **"Give me a second to talk to her," Kid pleaded, looking at Lou, "I need to be the one to tell her, Rachel."**

 **"Kid, you know you are supposed to be out of here in a minute." Seeing the look on Kid's face stopped her cold, "Make it quick, Kid."**

 **Lou scowled in confusion when she saw Kid lead Katy out to where they should have performed the hand-off. Wondering why Kid wasn't on Katy, she pulled Lightning up in a jolting, sliding stop.**

 **"What's going on?" She wondered, stretching the mochila down at him.**

 **He took it and slung it over Katy's saddle without looking away from her face. "Lou, I gotta talk to you."**

 **"Now?" Lou asked in amazement, glancing over to where Rachel stood on the porch drawn tight with tension, and a few of the boys paced nervously, eyeing her and trying to pretend they weren't.**

 **"Yeah, here, hop down," Kid told her, holding her blowing horse as she obediently slid to the ground and stood to face him.**

 **Seeing her dirt-streaked face, reminded him of the sacrifice she'd made in order to protect herself. He didn't know how it was possible, but knowing her past had given him even more respect for the courage of Louise McCloud.**

 **"What's wrong?" She asked, growing panicky at the look on his face, eyes flicking to the riders on the porch and taking stock. "Is it one of the boys or Teaspoon?"**

 **"No, nothing like that. Lou...Wicks isn't dead. He survived the shot, and he's up and about already."**

 **The news hit her like a ton of bricks coming crashing down on her shoulders. For so long she'd carried such fear of the man, and when she thought he was dead, she had actually realized a chance for healing her old wound, letting go of her biggest secret. That weight settled down over her again, squarely on her chest. She thought for a moment she would not be able to draw a breath. Then, she did, raggedly.**

 **"Where is he?" She whispered hoarsely, her eyes downcast, putting a hand against Lightning's side for support when her knees wanted to dip.**

 **"He's on his way back to St. Joe. Teaspoon couldn't hold him. He didn't know what I knew, and I just didn't think I should be the one to tell him. Now I wish I had."**

 **Lou shook her head and muttered woodenly, "It wouldn't matter. It's been too long. And Wicks has way too much money to stay locked up anywhere for long."**

"Let me go after him, Lou. Let me do that for you," Kid pled.

Lou shook her head emphatically. "That's not what I want! Do you understand me, Kid?"

Kid sighed in frustration and started to argue but was interrupted by Rachel's voice, calling his name in warning to get going.

"Are you going to be all right? I'll be back tomorrow, and Jimmy's going to keep an eye on you."

"You told him?" Lou asked furiously.

"Of course not, I just told him to watch out for Wicks, that he was bad news. Nothing he didn't know already," Kid placed a hand on her cheek, stunned that she flinched violently from his touch. Wordlessly he withdrew his hand as her cheeks blushed with embarrassment.

"Lou, will you be all right?"

"Fine, Kid," Lou answered, but still didn't meet his eyes squarely. Rachel yelled again, and it was torture for Kid to gather Katy's reins and leap onto her, "Watch yourself, Lou. Please."

Lou nodded wordlessly, stepping back as he kicked Katy into a gallop, still unable to look him in the eye.

"Ride safe, Kid!" Cody and Jimmy chorused from the porch.

He lifted a hand to them as he moved towards the open country.

Lou stood very still for a long time, pondering the information Kid had just cast upon her. He was still alive. _Damn you, Wicks_ , she thought, and _I'm still scared of you_. She thought maybe after she'd gotten the upper hand, had belittled him at the point of her gun that she might not be so consumed by fear of the man of her nightmares any more. But she was still terrified, still consumed by the memory of the pain and fear he'd caused her.

"Lou?" Jimmy called her name for the third time before she startled and glanced at him on the porch, heart in her throat, and then quickly looked away to hide her heating cheeks.

"Hey Jimmy," She said softly.

"Want me to take care of Lightning for you?" He asked, worry in his expression.

Lou shook her head, "I'll do it. Thanks."

Jimmy and Cody watched in confusion as she walked unsteadily towards the barn without looking at them again.

"Think she got thrown? She looks kind of weak in the knees." Noah asked, walking out in time to see Lou disappear into the barn.

Jimmy scowled, as he finished cleaning his gun. He had seen her stunned disbelief upon learning Wicks was alive, had seen her recoil from Kid's touch as if burned. Whatever was going on was serious, and it had scared Lou. She was hard to rattle, and that distant, distracted exchange he had just had with her worried him.

Someone needed to tell him what the hell was going on, he thought. Might as well be her.

* * *

Lou carried her saddle into the tack room slowly; eyes not really fixed on where she was going, and her mind not anywhere near what she was doing. The dimness of the barn reminded her so much of her tiny room in the brothel, with fractured sunlight streaming in through the small, dirty window. Something about the way the dust motes caught the light brought back the memory of the dawn after Wicks' had stayed in her room, and the terror of waking trapped under his heavy arm.

She was so lost in the vivid memory of that morning, something she'd maybe never thought about again, that she simply glanced up passively when a hand grabbed her under her elbow.

"Don't scream!" A hand covered her mouth. "Or I'll kill you right here."

The voice, burned in her memory like a scar, prevented her from screaming as much as the threat, for a lump of choking terror formed in the base of her throat. Even as the hand fell away from her mouth, she found herself unable to speak, to think, or to move.

"Why Louise, you look like you've seen a ghost!" Wicks hissed, "You should have killed me when you had the chance, but I knew you didn't have it in you. Now, you're coming with me. No whore is going to rob me of my money. And after I get the money, you and I are going to talk about old times. Seems I have a vacancy in employment."

At the suggestion, Lou's body jumped to action and she whirled and darted from the tack room, dropping her saddle after realizing she was still holding it. A whimper came from her throat, but that was the only sound she was capable of. The boys were outside, if she could get out that way, they'd help her.

She heard Wick's heavy footsteps from behind her, growing closer. Suddenly, her shaking legs gave way, and the ground rose up to meet her hard. A soft cry of pain and fear escaped her, and she glanced up to see Wicks standing over her, pushing up his sleeves.

Just as he had the night he had attacked her so very long ago.


	2. Chapter 2: Revelations

Chapter Two: Revelations

Wicks had the upper hand again, and Lou was trapped, a prisoner of her own fear. Every cell in her body told her to run, fight, kill, but she was paralyzed.

"You won't make it past the barn if you touch me," Lou said bravely, struggling to pick herself up.

Wicks kicked her in the side hard enough to send her crashing her back to the ground, "That won't matter to you."

Lou struggled to get her breath back, and watched, frozen in horror as he reached for her, flashbacks racing through her mind, a strange union of past and present that was clouding her thoughts.

"You reach one more inch and I'll blow your goddamned head right off your neck!" A deadly voice growled, and the quiet "click" of a gun hammer being cocked stopped Wicks cold. Lou closed her eyes in relief at Jimmy's timely arrival and finally caught the breath knocked from her with a loud gasp that sounded like a sob.

"Oh, you'd _better_ step away from her," Jimmy seethed, voice low and dangerous. He quickly closed the distance and backed Wicks up, standing above Lou protectively.

"She's got something that doesn't belong to her," Wicks said.

"Lou, you okay?" Jimmy asked quietly, without taking his eyes off who he assumed was the man Kid had warned might hurt her. _A man named Wicks. If you see him near her, kill_ _him_.

He raised the gun.

"Jimmy! No! Please, no!" Lou said from the dirt, her voice trembling wildly. "I'm fine. You can't kill him!"

"Yeah, I can," he disagreed and aligned the man's forehead with the gun's barrel.

"Jimmy!" she half scolded, half begged.

The desperation in her voice snapped him from his bloodlust, but he wanted to do the man bodily harm. He'd seen the big man boot her in the side, nearly lifting her off the ground. And he had seen her face when Wicks reached toward her. He'd never seen Lou so frightened, never wanted to see her scared like that again.

"Teaspoon might not have been able to keep you in jail last time, but I have a feeling that won't be a problem again," Jimmy said in the same dangerous tone.

Lou suddenly was struggling to her feet. Jimmy reached down to help her up with his eyes still fixed on the man in front of him.

"Let him go, Jimmy," Lou suddenly said.

"What!" Jimmy exclaimed, looking at Lou for the first time.

Unshed tears made her eyes glow bright, and her voice trembled when she repeated, "Just let him go. He won't be back here."

"This is the second time he's caused trouble for you in the past couple of days. There ain't gonna _be_ a third."

"Jimmy, I need you to listen to me, to do this for me. Let him go."

Jimmy again looked at her in utter confusion, briefly, before turning back to Wicks, "Lou-."

"Jimmy, do it!" She snapped, voice breaking.

Wicks watched the whole interaction in silence. Nervously, he glanced back at the one with the gun as if he wasn't sure anything Louise said was going to slake the bloodthirst in that man's eyes. Jimmy appeared to be considering letting him live with great reluctance.

"Damn it, Lou," Jimmy snapped back at her, but as usual he couldn't deny her wishes. It was just that typically he knew her judgment was good. This time, she wasn't making any sense. His eyes were on fire as he gazed at Wicks, "Ride out, now, before I listen to my gut and end you. And if you ever come back..."

"Spare me the speech, will you boy? I've heard it," Wicks backed out of the barn. Jimmy holstered his gun when he was sure Wicks was gone and turned to Lou angrily, "What the hell was that about? What's gotten into you?" He demanded.

When a tear escaped her eye, he was instantly contrite, remembered the terror on her face. His voice was gentle as he placed a hand on her shoulder, "Lou, you have me pretty worried. You all right? How's your side? Did he hurt you?"

 _Yes,_ Lou thought frantically, _more than you know!_ She was shaking as she turned her head into Jimmy's shoulder and he put his arms around her when she shook with sobs.

"I thought he was dead!" she cried, "he was supposed to be dead!"

Completely baffled by this display of vulnerability from Lou, Jimmy pulled her in and held her hard, eyes still watching the exit Wicks had left. "It's all right now. He is gone."

He inwardly thought in frustration, _why didn't you pull your gun on him Lou? You had time if he chased you. Does this man make you lose your wits to the point you can't even think to protect yourself? That you won't let me do it either? Why?_

Lou suddenly regained her control, and pulled away, wiping at her eyes. She looked at him with eyes that were a little too glassy and vacant, and said calmly, "We aren't going to say anything about this. To anybody."

Jimmy's voice was quiet, but forceful. "I let him go for you, Lou, but damn it, now you're asking too much!"

"Jimmy, you know I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't important to me. I'm begging you. Don't. You can't tell. I got my reasons.

"If you can give me one of those reasons why you think I shouldn't tell, I'll think about it."

Lou raised her chin stubbornly, but said nothing.

"No? Well, then neither can I," Jimmy shot back. They stood faced off, toe to toe, glaring at each other with their arms folded across their chests and irritation in their eyes.

"I'm asking you for this, Jimmy…"

A third voice caused them both to jump in surprise. Buck poked his head in the barn telling them, "Supper's ready."

Jimmy's eyes shifted from Buck back to Lou, who was gazing at him expectantly. Nervously.

"Anything wrong?" Buck asked, "You both look like you've seen a ghost."

Jimmy pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. The headache that had developed while dealing with the most stubborn, bull-headed female he'd ever met didn't really surprise him. It wasn't the first time, after all. Again, she'd won.

"No, everything's fine. Let's go eat." He conceded, eyes slipping to Lou. Lou gave him the faintest smile of thanks before she walked toward Buck, who held the door for them both.

Jimmy felt sick about what he had just done.

* * *

 ****

 **"And then Ben reached out to give Ron the pouch, and Ron leaned over to get it, and just tumbled right off his horse! Served him right too, not five minutes earlier he'd been bragging to everyone about how he'd never been thrown!" Cody laughed at his own story.**

 **"Cody," Teaspoon sighed, "You ever heard of keeping your mouth closed, particularly when it's full of food?"**

 **A small peal of laughter echoed in the bunkhouse, and Cody grinned, "Well, I figure I'm such a fountain of information, I owe it to the world to share at all times."**

They chuckled and there was quiet as everyone turned back to their food.

"Saw that Wicks fellow in town this afternoon," Jesse suddenly said. Jimmy, who'd been sitting silently the whole meal, glanced up for the first time at the mention of the name. Lou's fork slipped from her fingers and clattered against her plate, earning her curious looks.

"What?" Teaspoon roared, "I thought I left no doubt in his mind what would happen if he stuck around!"

"Well, he did stick because, I saw him coming out of our barn!" Jesse said. "I followed him...he rode off after that."

All eyes shifted to Lou, who'd gone white to the roots of her hair. Jimmy shifted uncomfortably as Teaspoon asked her, "Lou, has he bothered you?"

"No," Lou mumbled, and she saw Jimmy shake his head. She glared at him.

"Lou," he admonished her, ignoring her warning. "Tell them."

"Tell them what?" Teaspoon growled through narrowed eyes.

Lou shot Jimmy a look that should have killed him, then with her eyes on her plate, said, "He just stopped by to bid me a farewell."

"He did _what_!" Teaspoon yelled and slammed his fist on the table, but when Lou jumped a mile and pressed her hand to her heart, he tried to calm his voice. The rest of the riders fixed their eyes on the small girl, who still stared steadfastly at her plate, "Did he try to hurt you?"

"No," Lou lied, unconvincingly.

"Dang it Lou!" Jimmy finally snapped, "You got to tell him."

Lou's mouth set in the stubborn line he knew too well.

"Then I am," Jimmy said, knowing he was risking her wrath, "I walked in the barn and found Lou on the ground. Wicks was standing over her, kicked her when she tried to get up. He seemed to think she had something of his."

"That's it! He's going back in jail!" Teaspoon declared. "If I don't shoot him first."

"He's gone, Teaspoon, he won't be back." Lou's voice was barely a whisper.

"Lou, I ain't so sure about that, sweetheart," He said gently, "Specially if he thinks you've got something that belongs to him."

Anger choking her that they were pulling at the loose threads she was held together by after the last few days, she yelled, "He thinks _I_ belong to him!" Instantly, she regretted saying it.

There was a brief, stunned silence and a flurry of looks between them over Lou's bowed head as they tried to decipher that.

"All the more reason he might try again," Cody murmured quietly, having been uncharacteristically silent during the exchange thus far.

"It's my business!" Lou snapped, and Cody bit his lip and held his hands up, as if in surrender.

"You could get hurt Lou! He could kill you! He might have done just that if I hadn't showed up, because you were too scared to pull your gun on him!"

Lou's eyes went wide in horror when Jimmy mentioned how she'd frozen in front of all of them. Just when she thought that she'd never experienced such mortification, Jesse contributed.

"What if he would have raped you again?"

The words that tumbled so carelessly out of his mouth startled the whole table into absolute silence. No one breathed, no one moved. Glances flew between the boys, Teaspoon, and Rachel. Jesse suddenly realized his mistake and covered his mouth. Horrified eyes slowly turned to Lou.

Her eyes were fixed on her plate, her cheeks a glowing, fiery red. Tears rapidly ran down her blushing cheeks. They all saw the trembling of her hands as she pushed herself up, and weaved on shaky knees. Her eyes pinned each of them, looking for the traitor in the midst.

Who'd given her away, Kid or Rachel? The thought of either of them betraying her was too much, and without a sound, she flew from the bunkhouse.

"Louise!" Rachel called after her, getting to her feet.

" _Again_?" Hickok and Buck demanded at the same time when she was gone.

"Better to let her be right now," Teaspoon said solemnly. His eyes turned towards the figure cowering at the end of the table, "Jesse!" He snarled furiously, "Let me guess how you found out about all this!"

"Teaspoon, I didn't mean to be there, I promise. It's just that after Kid and Buck left, you lit into the guy right away, and I didn't have a chance to get out! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt Lou! It just slipped out!"

"I know that, and I'm sure Lou even knows that, but the fact is, you did. You have got to learn to shut your mouth," Teaspoon scolded, then relented. Jesse looked miserable enough without his help. His gaze shifted to see how the other riders were reacting.

All of them, even the fountain-of-information Cody, were speechless. They all had wrinkled brows and exchanged shocked and confused glances from time to time.

Jimmy seemed to be taking it the hardest. His hand covered his mouth and his eyes were closed as he said in a voice that didn't sound like his own, "I let him go. He was right in front of me, about to do the same thing to her again, and I let him go!"

"Easy son, it wasn't your fault," Teaspoon said.

"No wonder Kid tried to kill him," Buck said, his sharp, black eyes turning on Teaspoon accusingly, "He rapes a woman and you can't keep him locked up?" Buck's patience and respect for the law was wearing thinner and thinner. First, Teaspoon couldn't protect Ike, and now Lou was in danger.

Rachel sighed, deciding that since they knew the worst of it they might as well know what really happened. "Wicks hurt Lou a long time ago, when she worked for him. Right after she left the orphanage. It's been years, and there wasn't anything Teaspoon could have done. Especially since Lou wouldn't tell him what was wrong."

Buck's dark eyes still smoldered with resentment.

"I'm going after him," Jimmy announced, standing up.

"Now, hold on. I already had to consider tying down the Kid. You can't just go after a man and kill him in cold blood."

"My blood ain't cold right now, damn it. I'll call him out," Jimmy growled.

"I'm going with him," Cody said and they all rose from their seats simultaneously.

Teaspoon slammed a fist on the table again. "Damn it, don't you know a man like Wicks ain't gonna face you. He'll let a hired gun back shoot you, and that ain't gonna help Lou."

Jimmy paced around the bunkhouse, too many bad memories stirring in his head. "I'm going to talk to her. I don't want her alone out there."

"She may not want to talk to you," Noah said softly. "She may need some space."

"Well, she ain't getting it right now," Jimmy shot back at them and opened the door. Jimmy grabbed his coat, and then thinking the better of it, picked up Lou's also, and walked out to a beautiful sunset. He found Lou sitting on the hard packed dust in back of the barn, facing the brilliant purple and gold sky, hugging her knees to her chest.

He thought of what he'd just learned about her. About what had been done with her, and he wanted to set the man he'd let go without a scratch on fire. He could imagine the taste of blood on his tongue. He thought maybe he'd never been so mad, so disgusted. But as he looked at Lou, he knew that his anger was not what she needed. He took deep breaths, pushed them out through his nose as he watched her slim shoulders bowed low under the weight of her worry and her shame. Nothing in him could have left her there feeling that way.

A rock crunched beneath his boot, and Lou instantly whirled around, fear on her face.

"It's just me, don't shoot," Jimmy smiled, holding up both hands.

Without saying anything, she turned back around.

Jimmy slowly set the jacket around her slim shoulders, and she glanced up at him with a strange cross of betrayal, embarrassment, and anger.

"A peace offering," Jimmy explained, not taking offense at her hot glare.

Lou didn't look at him again, but kept her eyes fixed ahead. They still swam with tears that she had instantly stopped shedding at his arrival. Her cheeks grew red again.

"Aw, Lou, I'm sorry I told Teaspoon. I'm just worried about you." He sat down close to her on the dirt and gave her a nudge with his shoulder.

He was rewarded with a small smile, "I'm not sore at you, Jimmy."

"Well, that's good to know. So why exactly is it that you are sitting out here in this freezing night air if you aren't mad at me?"

Lou didn't answer, and Jimmy could actually sense her cutting herself off from him, even before he saw the set of her jaw.

"Jesse then? It was a horrible thing for him to say, and out of place, but you are the last person in the world he'd cause pain to. The kid's just got a big mouth, that's all."

"I'm not mad at anyone, Jimmy. I just can't go in there, and I don't know how I'm ever going to go back in there again, now that..." She paused and fixed her gaze to the dirt, swallowing hard.

"Now that what?" Jimmy pushed her, "Now that we know?"

Lou nodded, turning even redder.

Jimmy sighed, "Lou, I don't want to pry...but when he-how old were you?"

"Fourteen," she murmured, putting her face in her hands and scrubbing hard, as if she could wipe away the words and the memory.

Despite his determination to not react, Jimmy could not prevent the distressed sound that escaped from his throat.

"Jimmy, this was the biggest secret I got. I never wanted anyone to know. And for years now, no one did. Except Charlotte. And now, in two days, everyone I care about knows what happened to me, and I don't think I can stand it. I can't. The shame is going to kill me, Jimmy."

"Lou, the only shame lies with Wicks. You do know that right?" She met his gaze levelly, but did not respond. "Right?"

Lou shook her head, "You're wrong, Jimmy. It was my fault for being stupid."

"No, Lou, can't you see?" Jimmy sighed, "You weren't stupid, you were innocent. There's a hell of a difference."

"The end result was pretty much the same, wouldn't you agree?"

"But it wasn't the end, was it? You made it, you survived!"

Lou shook her head, "I ran away, I hid. Hell, I'm still hiding, Jimmy. I'm still as scared of him as I was the night it all happened. You saw how I froze today. I couldn't hardly speak when he caught me, much less fight. And I hate myself for that!"

"Lou, I've never known anyone like you," Jimmy suddenly said, shaking his head, "Damn it, it isn't a crime to be afraid!" When she tried to drop her gaze in embarrassment again, Jimmy gently took her chin in his hands and turned her face up so that she was forced to look him in the eye and know he told her the truth, "You'd be a fool not to be afraid of a man that hurt you like he must have. Hell, your friend was scared enough of him to kill herself, Lou. So, you have one weak spot. I have about a hundred. You're still the bravest one of us all, you know."

Unconvinced, but feeling too exposed in the path of his stare, Lou pulled away from his grasp and again stared out at the brilliant sky. It washed her face in gold, and Jimmy thought it suited her. She was rare and precious too.

He reached out to take her hand in his "He didn't win...he didn't take away who you are, Lou."

When Jimmy turned to glance at Lou, her eyes were on his face, then boring into his. He couldn't fathom the expression behind them, but at least he had her attention.

"Jimmy, yes he did take away who I am. As soon as I got away from him I quit being Louise altogether."

"No, you stopped wearing dresses, Lou," He smiled, squeezed her hand and let it go, and she instantly dropped it back over her knee to worry the other one. "But he didn't change the brave, honest, smart, woman you are. And in case you've forgotten that the last few days, don't think we have."

Lou didn't say anything, but her eyes stung with tears at his faith in her.

Jimmy cautiously set his arm around her shoulders, pleased when she let him, and she leaned her head on his shoulder. They watched the beautiful colors from the sunset fade into navy velvet in companionable silence.

"How's your side?" he asked at length.

"I'll do," she murmured and they fell quiet again.

"You're a good friend, Jimmy Hickok," She said after a long time.

"The best," He agreed, grinning, "And modest too. What I am is cold, so what do you say to us going in?"

Lou balked, "I don't think I can. How do I face them?"

"You expect them to throw things at you? Heckle you about this?"

"I almost wish they would...that'd be a normal reaction from them. What if they feel sorry for me?" Lou looked panicked, she couldn't remember ever feeling so ill at ease at the prospect of going into the bunkhouse; at least not since her first nights in there with the boys.

"Lou, they don't feel sorry for you, but they are sorry. And sick, and angry. But not at you."

"What do I say?" Lou persisted, holding her hands out.

Jimmy smiled, "Now, when have you ever had to say somethin'? Leave that to Cody."

Lou wasn't nearly as confident. Would they look on her with new eyes? Would they turn from her in disgust? Pity her? Scorn her? She didn't think she could stand any of those things.

"Lou, I just have one question for you before we go in," Jimmy told her.

"All right."

"When Wicks said you'd stolen something from him, what was he really talking about?"

Lou could not look at him as she lied through her teeth, "I don't know, Jimmy."

Jimmy studied her for a moment, and seemed satisfied with her answer. Lou's mind was filled with guilt for deceiving him. She had the money Charlotte had stolen from Wicks and had hidden it away. She'd die before she gave Wicks the satisfaction of having it back. That money was meant to give Charlotte a new life, a life free of the hell Wicks had kept her in for so long. Charlotte had given Lou a chance to make a wonderful life, and had come to Lou looking for the same favor. Only, Lou had failed her miserably, and the beautiful woman was dead. For Charlotte, she'd make sure Wicks never saw the money he so wanted again.

Jimmy gently placed his hand on Lou's back and ushered her into the warm bunkhouse ahead of him, feeling her resistance to walk over the threshold as he did.

At first, it was everything Lou feared it would be. Uneasy silence greeted her as every one of the boys stopped in their tracks and stared, their mouths opening and closing almost like landed fish, as they considered something to say and then thought the better of it.

But, as Jimmy predicted, it was Cody who broke the strain. Without a word, but with a gentle smile that reached all the way into his turquoise eyes, Cody walked to Lou and put his arms around her in a bear hug, lifting her off her feet altogether.

Lou felt tears sting her eyes as his unusual display of affection for her. They still loved her, she was still one of them. Her eyes met Noah's quiet smile over Cody's shoulder as he set her back on her feet.

She sighed with relief. Jesse came to face her, his big eyes very troubled, "Lou, I'm sorry, I mean, that ain't what I meant to say."

Lou smiled softly and hugged the boy who had such a special place in her heart, "I know you just said it because you were worried about me."

"All of us were, Lou," Noah pointed out gently.

"Lou," Buck murmured at last, the spokesman for the group. "If that man shows up around here again, ain't one of us that is going to let him ride out alive. And unless you want to say more about it, that's the last we'll mention it."

Lou smiled finding it difficult to speak around the emotion tightening her throat into a knot.  
"You boys never cease to amaze me, you know."

"Yeah, we know," Cody grinned devilishly and winked, "I for one, never cease to amaze even myself."

* * *

 **"You wanted to see me Teaspoon?" Lou asked as she poked her head into the marshal's office the next morning, feeling shy.**

 **"Yeah, come on in, Lou," He waved her towards a chair. Lou sighed, afraid of where this conversation was going already. Teaspoon perched himself on his desk and looked at her before saying, "I want to apologize for what happened last night. It was my fault."**

 **"What do you mean?"**

 **"It was me that pushed Rachel into telling me what you'd told her. Now, please don't go getting mad at Rachel, because she was worried sick about you. Everyone was...still is if I am being honest with you. Wicks had to stop back by here yesterday before leaving town, so I made it perfectly clear what would happen to him if we saw him around here, and around you, again. I got kind of rattled, lost my temper. I forgot that Jesse was still in the back of the office. He overheard."**

 **Lou nodded, glad to know that Rachel hadn't sat them all down and told them her secret directly. That had been a little too much to bear.**

 **"I don't know, maybe it's good that the boys got an explanation for my behavior the last few days."**

 **"I wanna say that you don't owe nobody an explanation, Lou, except there's another thing I've been wonderin'. Now, I know I may be an old man, but I'm still damn convincing when I want to be. I know I scared Wicks yesterday, and I know he believed that I really would kill him if I ever found him near you again. He knew that a word from you about what happened in the woods and I would lock him up or shoot him, more likely. So he knows the kind of risk he was taking coming to the station and laying hands on you. Now, I can't help but think he must have thought it was worth the risk to come back. So, after what Jimmy said happened, I am wondering if there ain't something you have that he wants."**

 **As with Jimmy, Lou found she couldn't meet his eyes and lie to him at the same time, so she looked at her fidgeting hands, "I don't have anything that he would want besides revenge for being humiliated by you. Jimmy put that notion out of his mind when he chased him off."**

 **"Darlin', I'm sorry if I caused you more trouble. Still, I'm worried that he'll come after you again. Do I need to worry?"**

 **"No," Lou lied, "I saw the look on his face when Jimmy held the gun on him. He was scared."**

 **Teaspoon sighed with relief, "What about that money you said he thought your friend had?"**

"He didn't find it because she never had it, I guess," Lou shrugged.

"And you're sure he ain't got no reason to seek you out again?"

Lou nodded wordlessly. She hated deception, but if she was to get on with her life, she had to let them all think that Wicks was gone for good.

She had to let herself believe that too.

* * *

 ****

 **Kid couldn't remember ever having made the run to Seneca in such record time. Katy was blowing hard when Rock Creek rose into view, but for once Kid didn't care. Wicks had plagued his thoughts since he'd ridden out, and he'd been uneasy ever since he left Lou standing alone on the hard packed dirt, eyes strangely vacant.**

 **He slung the pouch at Noah and his buckskin, pulled Katy up, and leapt off in nearly one movement. After taking a few stumbling steps to keep from falling flat on his face, he glanced up at the bunkhouse porch where Cody and Jesse were gleefully waiting for him to do just that. They were disappointed when he found his feet again.**

 **"Katy not fast enough for you? You gonna deliver the mail on foot from now on, Kid?" Cody asked innocently.**

 **"Very funny, Cody," Kid smiled slightly, "Where's Lou?"**

 **"Ran away, said something about joining the carnival," Cody shrugged.**

 **Kid glared.**

Jesse laughed then, which just encouraged Cody, "Yeah, something about doing daredevil stunts and leaping through rings of fire. Did you know Lou could do that Jesse? I had no idea!"

"Cody!" Kid hissed, making a threatening step towards him, "Where is she?"

"Hey, lighten up, Kid! She's out back with Buck watching Jimmy try to break the bay stud."

Kid shot them both dirty looks as they howled with laughter at him. Jesse finally had the good sense to shut up, and jumped off the porch, "I'll take Katy, Kid."

"Thanks Jesse," Kid grinned, "So, anything exciting happened around here?"

"Yeah!" Jesse said, his gift of putting his foot in his mouth second only to Cody, "Wicks came after Lou yesterday right after you'd left but Jimmy found him and, oops." He said simply when Kid took off towards Lou.

"Way to go, Jesse," Cody sighed, rolling his eyes, "Poor Lou won't be able to peel him from her side now."

Jesse sighed, wondering if he'd ever learn to keep his mouth closed. Then he and Cody glanced at one another and knowing that a good show could be coming, they took off for the corral at the same time.

* * *

 **Lou and Buck laughed as Jimmy hit the dirt for the third time and groaned loudly."Where's Noah when you need him?" He gasped, rolling over to his back in the dirt and laying there.**

 **Lou held the gate as a grinning Buck went into the corral to help Jimmy up again.**

 **"You sure showed him," Buck commented.**

 **"Yeah, I think so," Jimmy agreed, groaning again as he stiffly climbed to his feet.**

 **Lou shook her head, "Yeah, you showed him how to get rid of anyone he doesn't care to have on his back!"**

 **No sooner had the words come out of her mouth than someone grabbed her from behind.**

 **With a gasp, then a yell, Lou instinctively spun around, her fists flying. Her blow found her mark, and it was too late to pull back as she realized it was Kid. Everything else happened fast. Buck pulled his gun, and Jimmy instinctively went for his, which of course wasn't strapped on. Cody and Jesse stopped cold not far from the scene, just as Jimmy and Buck started for Lou's attacker.**

 **"Lou!" Kid yelped just before contact, then slumped to the ground with the force of the punch.**

 **"Damn, Lou, remind me not to make you mad," Cody said, shaking his head and staring at the sprawled Kid.**

 **Covering her mouth with her bruised hand, Lou fell to her knees beside the Kid. Jimmy and Buck were instantly standing over them both. Kid mumbled and grimaced, bringing his hand to gingerly touch his swelling and purpling eye.**

 **"Kid, I'm so sorry!" Lou gasped out, horrified.**

 **Squinting into the blinding sunlight, he saw Lou's pale face, then behind her Jimmy, Buck, Cody, and Jesse all trying not to laugh and failing miserably.**

 **"I'm never gonna live this one down," Kid finally muttered, and shut his eyes again.**

* * *

Not much later than that, Lou sat on Kid's bunk beside him, gently holding a raw steak to his eye, which was blackening rapidly.

"I'm so sorry, Kid," Lou said for the hundredth time in the last five minutes.

Kid reached up and covered Lou's hand with his, "I already told you it was my fault. I should have known better than to sneak up on you and grab you with all that's been going on."

Lou sighed and gently disentangled her hand, letting Kid hold the steak.

Kid turned his head so he could study Lou out of his good eye, "So when do you think you might tell me what happened?"

"Not much to tell, Kid," Lou sighed, "Wicks came after me one more time before he skipped town, and Jimmy ran him off."

"And that's all?" Kid asked, "The end?"

"What are you talking about, Kid?" Lou mumbled, staring at her hands, which had clenched into fists.

Kid grinned as he followed her eyes, and again sought her hand, "Aren't planning on using these fists on me again, are you? I promise I'll be good!"

Lou smiled and blushed, shaking her head, "I'm not making any promises!"

"Okay, Lou, tell me what really happened, why Wicks came after you again."

"Because I caused him to get into trouble, because Teaspoon insulted his pride and he wanted to have the last laugh."

"And?" Kid persisted.

"And what. That's it!" Lou said, growing irritated.

"No it ain't, and you know it Lou. Jimmy told me, Wicks said you had stolen something from him."

"If Jimmy's already gone behind my back and told you everything, I don't know why I have to sit here and put up with this, with this... _interrogation_!" Lou snapped.

"Jimmy's worried about you, in fact everyone is. Most of all, me," Kid said, knowing he would have to be careful or she'd shut up like a clam, "He told me...told me how you froze up, how scared you werre, how you didn't pull your gun, how you denied everything to Teaspoon's face, and then how the truth came out. Did you forget about all that Lou?"

Lou resented his overly patient tone and snapped, "Why everyone has to know every detail of my life is beyond me!" At that moment the bunkhouse door came open and Jimmy, Buck, and Cody strolled in, "I've dealt with this alone until now, and I never needed any of you to watch over me! I never should have told you Kid! I never should have trusted you! Any of you!"

Buck quickly jumped from Lou's path as she let herself out of the bunkhouse. The slam echoed so loudly that all the boys jumped.


	3. 3

Chapter Three: Violation

*Warning, this chapter contains graphic scenes of violence. I didn't really polish this up much from the original but wanted to get it back up.

Lou sat at the corral fence, fuming as she thought of the scene in the bunkhouse. Her cheeks grew warm and she shook her head. She was so angry. Angry at them, angry at herself, angry at Wicks, angry at the world. She felt like something had to give soon, or she would explode. She wished she could hit something.

Despite herself, a slight smile pulled at her lips as she looked at her sore knuckles. She'd done that already, she supposed.

The longer she sat there, the more guilt riddled her. She knew she'd hurt Kid. Especially the part about wishing she'd never trusted him in the first place. That wasn't true. She'd been so glad to take some of the strain of holding her secret in for so long off of herself. Of course, that was when she had thought Wicks was dead.

"And I wish he was," She growled suddenly, her hand closing on a rock which she pitched toward the side of the barn, "I really do."

But not by the hand of one of the men she loved. They were above him. And not at the risk of the violence she knew Wicks to be capable of.

"Hey Lou," came Jesse's voice as he poked his head outside of the barn.

"Hey Jesse," Lou smiled.

Jesse came to sit beside her on the rail. "How come you're out here?"

"Needed a few minutes to think," Lou said softly.

"Want me to go away?" Jesse wondered.

Lou considered it, then shook her head, "No. You want to just sit with me awhile and talk?"

"About wh-what happened to you?" Jesse stammered, looking as if he wanted to bolt, knowing that was one subject that was over his head.

"Just about anything but that."

Jesse nodded, understanding Lou's desire to forget her trouble with the clarity of someone much older, "Actually, we are still talking about that book in school, and I have some questions for you."

"Ask away," Lou smiled, and gladly lost herself in the discussion of The Three Musketeers.

Later that night, Lou wandered out on the bunkhouse porch after Kid, who'd been there for awhile. She sat down on the step next to him. He glanced warily at her, saw she was there in peace, and went back to watching the activity on the edge of town.

"I didn't mean what I said to you about wishing I had never trusted you Kid. I don't regret telling you about my past."

Kid's smile was as gentle as always as he nodded. "I know you didn't mean it. I just," he sighed and paused, looking for words, "I just know what a hard time you are having right now, and I don't know how to make it better for you. I don't know how to help you."

Lou blinked back sudden tears that leapt to her eyes and nearly whispered, "I don't know how to help me either Kid. I don't feel like me. I'm so mad at everyone and everything. I hate feeling this way."

Cautiously Kid reached his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him, wrapping her safely in his arms, "We'll get you through it, all right? I know you are awful used to carrying this alone, but I can shoulder some of this weight for you. I can get you through this if you will just let me."

Lou sighed, "You sound so sure, but Kid, this has made everything so...so raw. Everything I thought I'd moved past, turns out I hadn't. I think I just buried it...but now, I...I feel just like I did when it happened, but more angry at myself for still feeling this way. I know I ain't a helpless little girl no more, but damned if he doesn't make me forget it."

"I won't let you forget it." He sighed. "We'll get past it. I know you, and I know me. You are gonna be fine, Lou. Just be patient with yourself and trust me."

Lou gazed up into his eyes for long moments. Kid saw the doubt in her and gave her a reassuring smile, planting a careful kiss on her forehead.

"I do trust you," She said so softly that he had to strain his ears to hear her.

"That's what matters, Lou," Kid told her, and held her more tightly. But, he added to himself, it also matters to me that this man pays with blood for hurting you.

In the next few days, Lou found herself smiling more and breathing more easily.

The awkwardness she had felt around the boys and Rachel had gradually lessened, and things felt a little more normal. Only a small voice in the back of her mind spoke uneasy thoughts, warning her that something just wasn't right in her world and that a storm was coming.

Wicks wouldn't forget his money and he wouldn't forget her. She didn't know what to do about that.

"You sure you are ready to take this run Lou?" Teaspoon asked quietly as she stood by Lightning, tightening the girth of his saddle. He'd grounded her from taking her last ride, just to make sure Wicks wasn't waiting on her, and she'd been furious but Jimmy had been on his horse and gone before she could argue. She'd given Jimmy a scolding fit for a school marm when he'd returned the next day. She was restless and she needed to ride, to sort through her dark thoughts and think of a plan that protected the boys.

"Teaspoon, it's my turn. Of course I'm ready."

Teaspoon nodded, double-checked the girth. "What would you say if I sent someone with you?"

"Teaspoon!" Lou almost shouted, outraged.

He quickly held up his hands in a gesture of surrender, "That's what I thought. You win. Ride safe. Women!" He muttered at her, drawing a smile from her. He hesitated, then fixed her with a hard stare. "Lou, you keep your gun at the ready, understand?"

A few minutes later she was standing on the porch looking for signs of Noah. Kid paced nervously, afraid to say anything, but more afraid to let her go.

"Lou, don't you think you ought to wait a few more days before you go out? Give Wicks some time to really put some distance between you?"

Lou glared at him. "Wicks is in St. Joe. I'm heading toward Willow Springs. Now, I guess the trail could have changed, but last time I checked those two places were in opposite directions!"

"Leave her alone, Kid," Jimmy advised, "You ain't gonna be able to talk any sense into her thick skull."

Lou glared at Jimmy hotly, but he just grinned and winked. Despite herself, Lou had to smile back and shake her head. Out of all of them, Jimmy at least was confident in her ability to take care of herself.

"Rider Comin'!" Buck called, from the corner of the porch, "Get goin' Lou, before Kid ties you down!"

Lou jammed her hat down hard on her head and leapt on Lightning, while Kid shook his head and glared at Buck before turning an anxious look towards her. She looked away deliberately.

"See you boys in a few days!"

"Watch yourself Lou," Cody advised.

"Lou, I really don't think--" Kid began.

"Ha!" Lou cried to Lightning before he finished his predictable bit and grabbed the pouch from a dust covered Noah, disappearing from sight.

"Way to put your foot down there Kid," Buck commented slyly, prompting Jimmy and Cody to burst into laughter.

The next morning Lou climbed off Lightning stiffly. The station master surprised her by coming out to meet her.

"Hey Lou, I have a letter for you here."

She felt surprise, then worry for her brother and sister, wondering if the letter had been posted by one of them or by the orphanage. She masked her anxiousness as well as she could, pulled her hat lower and deepened her voice, "Thanks Horace."

"Want me to take your horse for you? There's a bath and a meal inside."

"Nah, I think I'll be heading out," Lou said, having long ago given up staying in other bunkhouses overnight. It had been a hell of a fight, but Teaspoon had demanded that she do so when he'd found out she was a girl. When she was on an overnight run, she stayed in town in a hotel. Teaspoon gave her the extra wage to do so, and none of the boys had ever protested the special treatment at all, though it chafed at her from time to time. She'd acknowledged it was probably wise if she wanted to maintain her disguise.

She took the letter he retrieved from the bunkhouse and glanced at it. Lou was written across the front in forceful script, but the letter hadn't been posted. There was no address and no name but her own marked the front.

"Where'd it come from?" she asked Horace.

"Just some man riding by. Said he was a family friend of yours with news from home."

Ice formed in her gut. She turned and began walking away from the station house, a bad feeling gnawing at her. When she was far enough away from the curious eyes of Horace, she allowed her trembling fingers to open the letter. She felt the blood draining from her head as she read through vision that was beginning to spot with blackness.

Interesting how life works. You have something I want. I need not go into detail, I'm sure. I have something you want. Two things actually. I guess I probably am the one who should go into detail now. Two small children by the name McCloud have come into my care. Strange, but the girl favors you as I remember you.Such a pretty little girl, just like you were. The point is, Louise, that I'll make a trade. My money for your brother and sister. A fair trade, I'm sure you'll agree. Meet me in Sand Creek by Friday, or I can't guarantee these kids' safety. Come alone or I'll not only kill them, but any one you bring with you. No games or tricks Louise, or they die.

There was no signature to the letter, Wicks had no doubt she would know who he was. He was right. Her knees nearly buckled. Dear God, she thought, not my sister! She would have let Wicks kill her before she'd have him lay hands on her sister. How had he known about her sister and brother? Had she ever mentioned them in his hearing? Maybe in the early days before she knew him for what he was?

Although she was trembling violently, Lou wound her fingers in her horse's mane and forced herself to think. She had the money with her, in her bedroll. Going to Sand Creek would be dangerous, and she knew going alone was foolish. But in agony, she imagined the time lost riding back to Rock Creek to get help before turning for Sand Creek. What could happen to her brother, and especially her sister, in the interval? Wicks would hurt Theresa because that was the kind of man he was, but he'd enjoy it more because it would punish Lou.

She had been running from this man her entire adult life.

Now, she vaulted onto her horse and ran to him.

Lou pushed her horse hard all day, and finally at sunset pulled him up. Sand Creek was stretched out below her. It was a newer settlement, nestled up against the base of a mountain.

Windows from the town's buildings glowed cheerfully, but Lou didn't appreciate the peaceful sight. Her stomach churned violently, and for the umpteenth time that day, she thought she might be sick. Placing a hand to her damp forehead, clammy even in the cool night air, she forced herself to take deep breaths. It wouldn't do to lose her wits now. Wicks had her brother and sister. She wondered if there was any scenario where Wicks didn't kill all three of them. It seemed unlikely.

She allowed Lightning to walk down the hill toward the valley the town lay in. Her eyes scanned every passing figure on the street, looking for Wicks, trying desperately to remember what his men had looked like. There had been one hired gun that he'd been especially fond of. Lou's mind struggled for the man's name.

In the livery stable, Lou took the time to care for Lightning. He'd had a hard ride, and she'd not considered his weariness. Rubbing his ears softly after she'd cooled him down and brushed him, she whispered, "I'm sorry boy, but you just may have to run again soon. At least I hope we will get the chance to."

Sighing, Lou realized that she wasn't going to get her brother and sister back by petting her horse. Carefully, she tucked the stolen money in behind a board in Lightning's stall. She'd make sure her brother and sister were safe before Wicks got his money back. She knew better than to trust the man.

It sickened her to think of giving the money back to him, the money that had cost Charlotte her life, but it meant nothing to her in comparison to her siblings' safety. She'd known it was wrong to steal it, even knowing who Wicks was. She had just been trying to take something back from the man who had taken so much from her. She'd been prepared to pay the price herself of trying it. It had never, ever occurred to her someone she loved would be punished.

Wicks would expect her to come as Lou, not Louise. Well, she wasn't going to give him either of the two. She quickly grabbed a bill from the money roll hidden in the stall, and then pulled her hat low. Staying in the shadows the entire time, she made her way towards the long row of shops. There was only one dress shop open, but that was all she needed. With the help of a kinder older woman who owned the shop, a while later a very properly attired young woman stood reflected in the mirror. Not a young man nor an orphan, nor a laundress, but rather a well put-together young lady.

Only someone looking very closely would have noticed the terror in her eyes or the paleness of her skin.

Lou felt coldness close around her and steel resolve worked its way into her heart as she sought the hotel. Whatever he would do to her she would bear, but he would not hurt her sister. Not while she was still alive.

She let herself into the hotel carrying only the small velvet handbag that contained her gun and a bit of money. The man behind the desk was instantly interested, and eager to help her.

"May I send someone out to get your bags, Miss?" He wondered.

"No sir, that's not necessary. My things will be arriving on the stage in a few days," She said in her softest voice, "All I will be requiring is a room for now, if you please.

The man's eyes lit up and he nearly broke his arm in his hurry to open the book for her to sign in, "I'm sure you'll find our accommodations to be satisfactory.

"Ah, yes" Lou said distractedly, for in the mirror that hung over the desk she'd watched a man walk in that looked vaguely familiar. She struggled with her cloudy memories of Wick's brothel; they were the same memories she had put so much effort into forgetting.

"Miss?"

Lou jumped and gave her attention to the clerk, having the feeling it wasn't the first time he'd called her.

"Just sign here, and I'll show you to your room," He smiled.

Lou picked up the pen, and tried not to hesitate as she signed the book Rachel Hunter. If something should happen, maybe the boys would see the name and know she'd been here.

"Miss Hunter, this way, please," said the young man, "And if you require anything at all, my name is Roger Miller."

"I won't be needing anything, but thank you sir," She breathed tensely as they passed the man Lou thought she might recognize. His eyes fell on her briefly, then looked away without any sign of recognition.

The clerk left her in her room.

"Now what?" She said out loud. She'd frantically scanned the book for Wick's name and room number, but hadn't seen it. She was sure he would use a different name, just as she had.

It wasn't much later she did the only thing she could do. She made her way back down the stairs and went to the saloon, searching for Wicks. The sooner she found him, the sooner she got to her sister and brother.

Wicks wasn't there. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, fighting panic. It was almost full dark. She needed to know if her siblings were safe. If they were even still alive.

Knowing she needed to formulate some kind of plan and that waiting until morning was not an option, she headed back to her room. It was pitch black inside, and she thought the lamp must have burned out. She groped around the unfamiliar room until she found it, and fumbled with it for a few moments before she was able to light it.

When light finally flared, she realized something was terribly wrong. The hair at the back of her neck stood up and chills raced down her spine. She swung around just in time to see a fist swinging at her head. She yelped softly and tried to raise her arms against it, but was too late. The contact of the fist with her face was swift, and she folded to the ground.

"I thought you'd see it my way," Wicks growled from above her. Lou blinked hard against the blackness that was swimming at the corners of her eyes, fighting it.

She leapt to her feet and backed away from him, trying to appear fierce though the panic had taken hold of her.

"Where are my brother and sister?" She demanded, "If you've touched them, you bastard--"

Wicks surprised her by breaking into a laugh.

"Where are they?" Lou asked frantically, unnerved by his laughter.

"I never had them, Louise. I thought you would be smarter than that honestly, but I went along with Harley's idea to say we had them."

"Then how did you know about them?"

"Oh, my dear, I looked for you after you left me. I remembered that you'd come from an orphanage in St. Joe, so I made some inquiries the week after you ran away from me. They said you used to live there with your brother and sister. I have an excellent memory, you see."

"Why did you come looking for me back then?" Lou asked, "What more could you have wanted?"

"Because I had big plans for you, Louise. Big plans," He laughed coarsely, "I thought you had rare fight in you. Men like that. And some men, well, they like the young ones especially."

"Real men don't get pleasure out of hurting children!" Lou hissed.

"But they pay well," he waved a hand dismissively. "Mmm, no matter, I've got you now. And I'll get my money back. And after that, who knows? You aren't so young anymore, but you're pretty, and I bet you still fight like a wildcat."

"You aren't getting your money back. I don't have it. I came to rescue my brother and sister. Of course you wouldn't have them," Lou said out loud, feeling nothing so much as relief to have been tricked. "You never could have gotten from Rock Creek to St. Joe, to Sand Creek this soon. I'm so stupid for not realizing that."

"Yes, stupid, Louise, and unlucky, unless you get me the money right now."

"I told you, I don't have it. I never had it. Charlotte gave it to the man that shot you."

"You're lying," Wicks said after studying her for a minute. Without warning he crossed the space between them, and struck her again across the cheek.

Again Lou fell to the floor. Wicks laughed, "No matter, the money isn't important. I'll see ten times that amount next week alone. I can just take the price out of your hide, Louise."

A knock at the door sounded, and Roger Miller's voice drifted to her, "Miss Hunter? I heard a commotion and I just wanted to make sure you are all right. Did you fall, Miss?"

Lou was about to scream for help when Wicks was suddenly on her, winding his fingers painfully through her hair and jerking her neck back.

"Tell him you are fine!" Wicks ordered her. Lou swallowed hard and closed her swelling eye, seeing her only chance of escape disappearing.

"Miss Hunter?" Came the concerned man's voice again.

Wicks wrapped his fingers around her neck, shaking her hard once. Finally Lou gasped out, "I'm fine, I just dropped the water basin. I've already cleaned it up."

"Goodnight then miss," Roger said after a brief hesitation where Lou held her breath and silently screamed for his help. Lou closed her eyes tightly as she heard his footsteps retreating, every nerve in her body telling her to scream bloody murder.

"Quite the actress," Wicks commented and threw her back on the floor.

"Leave me alone," Lou growled, "You think Marshal Hunter was joking around with you? Do you really think you'll live if you lay your hands on me?"

"That washed up old man can't touch me, and neither can any of those two-bit gunslingers you know."

"You're wrong." Lou warned him.

"I'll take my chances, Louise," Wicks growled. "We're gonna talk about my money."

It seemed much later when Lou stirred and opened her eyes, but she couldn't be sure of the time that had passed. Searing pain went through her skull, and she realized she was still laying on the floor where she had fallen.

Wicks had demanded she give him his money, and Lou had denied having it. He'd beaten her badly, trying to extract the information, and finally in one last uncontrollable flash of rage had taken his gun and struck her on the temple.

Dread washed over her. She'd been unconscious. Surely Wicks had not violated her while she lay there...helpless and unaware.

Gasping for air, she took stock of her physical situation and when an inhuman sound of despair filled the room, she knew it was her own. Her clothes were torn, her skirts pushed around her waist, and her body sore from rough entry. She'd been raped, again, but she did not remember any of it. The realization of the violation when she'd been unable to defend herself broke something inside her. She didn't know where Wicks was, when he was coming back, and she knew she needed to prepare herself for the next fight, but all she could do was curl on her side, wrap her arms around herself and fall completely to pieces. She cried great, gulping sobs, pushing her face hard into the floor and gave herself over to despair.

She wasn't sure why it was worse this time, this time when there had been no pain, no watching his face above her as he took what was not his from her. But it was worse, she thought. Maybe a hundred times worse. He'd taken her blind, taken her completely helpless, and she didn't know how to fight back against what she didn't remember. He'd dehumanized her, used her like a beast with no soul, no heart, no spirit. She had been a vessel for him to fill. No more.

She sobbed until she was spent. Afterwards, she drifted for a bit, in and out of consciousness, or awareness, or sanity, she wasn't sure which. As the darkness overtook the room completely, she slowly sat up. There was blood matted in her hair from the pistol blow. When she stood, she felt his wet stickiness on her thigh, thought she would be sick, and then was, violently, right on the floor.

After swaying unsteadily on her feet for a moment and tugging her clothing right, she walked to the window. The man who she'd thought worked for Wicks and noticed her yesterday was leaning against the sill from the outside of the balcony. He turned around and sneered at her when she pulled the curtain aside, so Lou instantly withdrew. She had to get out before Wicks came back.

She listened at the door for a long moment, hands trembling against it. All was quiet. Wicks couldn't have posted a guard at her door, that would have looked too suspicious. Wicks had clearly thought she would remain unconscious longer. She moved into the hall. No one blocked her escape. With as much speed as she could muster without passing out cold, Lou gathered her skirts and made her way towards the stairs, knees weak and shaking.

Roger Miller was behind the desk, and turned to her with a smile that instantly disappeared at seeing her bruised and bleeding face. Lou pressed her finger to her mouth to stop his cry of astonishment.

"Please Mr. Miller, I need your help!" She whispered, "Is there somewhere to hide?"

Instantly he was taking her arm and leading her into a small office."Miss Hunter, what in the world?"

"I don't have enough time to explain everything," Lou said quietly, "But I am in serious trouble with a man who will kill me if I don't get away. I need your help getting out of town. It's dangerous, but I don't know who to ask for help.

"Of course I'll help you miss, but what about the law? The marshal could help you."

"I don't think he can," Lou said softly, believing it.

"No one can help you now, Louise. Don't you know that?" said a voice from the door, and both of them swung around. Lou cried out in despair.

Wicks focused his attention on Roger Miller, who had bristled and was ready to defend Lou. Wicks closed the door behind him. Lou's eyes quickly scanned the desk for some sort of weapon. Her eyes fell on a sharp looking letter opener. When Miller suddenly rushed Wicks, Lou's hand darted for it, and she slipped it into the bodice of her gown, praying she wouldn't have to use it.

Everything happened fast after that, and yet for a moment time hung suspended. Wicks whipped out a knife and brought it up fast into the hotel man's chest.

Lou shrieked in horror and bolted toward the door. Wicks caught her by the wrists and slung her against the wall. Lou closed her eyes as she felt the sharp edge of the letter opened pressing against her skin. She prayed Wicks wouldn't discover it. It was her only hope.

"Running away, again, Louise? I leave you alone for an hour and you're ready to skip town? Only this time, Charlotte's not here to help you and now neither is this kind man."

With tears streaming from her blackened eyes Lou suddenly screamed and struck out at him, fighting him because what he'd said was a truth that she didn't want to hear. Miller's blood was on her hands. She should not have involved him, should have run for the stables.

"Shut up!" Wicks roared at her, and slapped his hand hard over her mouth. Lou still kicked wildly at his legs. In one movement he grabbed her hair and snapped her head back against the wall, effectively stunning her. Effortlessly he scooped her up, cradling her head against his chest in what would appear to be a loving embrace. As he walked from the office, two startled hotel guests stared.

"The man in there tried to attack my wife, and then tried to kill me when I came to her aid. As you can see, she's been beaten quite badly, and I'm going to take care of her."

His eyes searched for, and found the sly face of Thomas Harley, "You there, sir, you go for the marshal!"

Lou was in and out of full awareness as he carried her up the stairs, back to her prison, and lay her on the bed, almost gently. The room was dark again, with very little light stealing in around the curtains. Lou's head throbbed and her eyes wouldn't focus. She found it hard to move, and her mouth tasted like cotton and metal.

The sound of Wicks closing the door was just like the one in the nightmare she'd been having about the night he had raped her, but the pain in her head suddenly reminded her that her present situation was real, and quite ominous. Remembering the letter opener, she quickly withdrew it and slid it under her pillow, just as he turned toward her.

Lou squinted; the dim, but still painful, light that filtered in the room outlined the looming figure of the man she so hated. She attempted to stir, but couldn't find the strength in her trembling limbs.

Every bone in her body told her to run, but she knew she couldn't. Not only was she physically unable to do so, but there was nowhere for her to go and no one left to help her.

So she was frozen as he approached her, a dark shadow of a nightmare that had chased her into waking. He stopped at her bedside. She could feel tears tickling paths down her cheeks and pooling in her ears.

"Frank Wicks, I'm telling you now that if you touch me, you'll die," She said calmly, her voice string enough to surprise them both.

"Louise, don't you realize I already have? Touched you? You didn't participate much, but I enjoyed it immensely. Now I'm very much looking forward to having you contribute."

He was quickly over her. Lou cried out in pain and struggled against him, her arms pinned down by his weight. She flailed at him as hard as her sore limbs would allow, but her blows were weak and he paid her no mind.

"No!" Lou screamed when he tore at the front of her dress and she heard the material give under his strong hand. She brought her knee up hard, missing his groin but hitting him hard in the thigh. He gasped in pain, but did not lose his hold on her.

Laughing breathlessly, he began to fumble with his clothing, and Lou fought the blackness that was swimming behind her eyes again. If she were to pass out now, Wicks would win. He'd have her, and kill her. This was her last chance at the life she'd built for herself with nothing but determination and her own two hands. And she wasn't going to let it go so easily.

Suddenly with renewed strength she tore her arm from under Wicks' weight, and reached under her pillow. Wicks was ever closer to taking her again when her hand closed hard around the handle of the letter opener.

With a scream and every ounce of strength she had left in her, Lou plunged the sharp end of the letter opener deep into his back.

The sound that tore from his mouth and the wild flash of his eyes in the low light was that of an animal or a monster, not a human. The look that he cast on her burned forever into her memory. His hand came raking across her bare chest with incredible force, and Lou screamed as his nails dug up flesh. Withdrawing the opener, she rammed it home again, and this time he went still and collapsed on top of her.

Lou lay there for a moment, chest heaving with exertion and panic. She realized that her hand was still clamped on the letter opener. She suddenly pulled back as if it had burned her, feeling the warm sticky blood that carried the life out of Wicks covering her hand.

A rushing sound began in Lou's head, almost like that of a howling wind. She'd just murdered a man, she realized. Lou struggled vainly against the considerable weight of Wicks, his sightless eyes boring into hers.

A panic began to seize her despite her best efforts to remain calm, as she lay pinned and trembling under the dead body.

And in that moment, she didn't think she cared whether she lived or died...


	4. 4 Bloodlust

Chapter Four: Bloodlust

"I'm going after her Teaspoon. You can't stop me! I know something is wrong!"

"Kid, I told you no ten times. Lou isn't even late yet, she's not due back until the morning," Teaspoon said a bit impatiently as he stared at the young man across the table from him.

"She's fine, I'm sure Kid," Rachel said, "And if you ride after her, she'll just get angry. She just needs some time to be by herself is all."

Jimmy glanced from Rachel and Teaspoon's soothing faces to the Kid's pale one. He hated to admit it, but a cold fear had worked its way into his bones too, though he didn't add to Kid's worry by saying so. A gut feeling that he had learned long ago to trust was screaming that something just wasn't right.

"Maybe tomorrow me and Kid can just ride out towards Willow Springs, just to be sure Lou is all right."

Teaspoon turned to study the boy with sharp eyes. Jimmy knew Teaspoon trusted his judgment, and it disturbed him that it wasn't just the Kid who had a bad feeling. Kid _always_ had a bad feeling where Lou was concerned.

"All right, you two, in fact I'll go with you if she's not back by tomorrow afternoon."

"Teaspoon!" Kid growled.

"All right, all right, tomorrow morning!"

Jimmy and Teaspoon exchanged a look over Kid's bowed head. Jimmy read the message in Teaspoon's eyes and thought, _yeah I hope I'm wrong about this too._

Lou struggled hard against the weight holding her down, and with one last painful effort, rolled Wicks off her. To her horror, he rolled off the bed and landed with a considerable 'thump' on the floor. Lou grimaced as the letter opener caught the light and glittered grotesquely between the large man's shoulder blades. A circle of red stained the area of the shirt around it.

A violent upheaval of Lou's stomach doubled her over, but she was empty. Hearing the latch at the window opening, Lou grabbed Wick's gun and moved to stand beside the window, pressing herself to the wall.

The man that had first noticed her at the hotel stepped in, and cried out in surprise when he saw Wicks. Lou found another reserve of energy and swung the butt of the gun hard into the back of the man's neck, and he slumped silently to the floor not far from Wicks.

Lou didn't take the time to look back, and with every bone and muscle in her body screaming protest, she crawled out the window and climbed down the stairs to the hard packed dirt of the town. She wondered what she'd do if she was seen, having caught a glimpse of her reflection in the window. Her face was bruised, dried blood matted her hair, and her dress was torn and stained by the still bleeding gashes on her chest. They seemed to stretch more with every step she took, but Lou didn't dare look at them. They were too much a reminder of what she had done.

Within minutes she was on Lightning, the money forgotten in the stall until she was nearly out of town. She couldn't go back for it, and she didn't want it anyway. But she knew it would not take Harley long to rouse the law and come after her, when he discovered Wicks' dead body...and the only person in town who might have spoken in her defense was dead. Dead because of her.

 _If I can make it to Rock Creek and see Kid and everyone else one more time, I'll go quietly. But I have to let them know the truth_. Kid would spend the rest of his life looking for her if he didn't know what had happened. She couldn't let Wicks ruin his life as well as hers.

It was that thought that controlled her mind and body for the next hours as she pushed Lightning more mercilessly than before. Behind her, on the horizon she could see a pale cloud of silver dust rising in the moonlight, and she knew it was a posse chasing her. Her head ached horribly. The saddle chafed her bare thighs. Every inch of her was agony. Her fingers were wrapped tightly in her horse's mane, the reins loosely held as she let the horse run all out for home.

Gradually she put distance between herself and her pursuers, but she had no doubt they knew where she was going. She wasn't going to try to trick them.

She'd been running all her life. After tonight, she would run no more.

Buck opened his eyes slowly, wondering what it was that had awakened him. Then, sensing rather than hearing someone approaching, he sat up. It wasn't unusual for horses to pass by in the night, they were on the outskirts of town, but there was something in the air, almost like a storm, something electrical, and alive, and dangerous. It had a momentum all its own, and Buck knew it was to do with them.

He was already up and strapping on his gun when the sound of a horse approaching at a desperate rate roused the rest of the riders.

"Who would be riding up at this hour?" Cody wondered, jumping down from his bunk.

Kid's face went whiter than it had been, and with Buck on his heels, he ran barefoot out of the bunkhouse.

Jimmy, Cody, and Noah grabbed their guns and followed quickly. Not much later, Teaspoon was striding quickly towards his riders, who were looking expectantly in the direction the sound was coming from. The night was so still that the approaching rider could be felt in mild tremors of the ground. Jesse followed not far behind Teaspoon, and Rachel appeared on the porch of the large main house.

"What in God's name is going on?" Teaspoon wondered, breaking the strained silence.

"Rider coming fast, Teaspoon, may be trouble," Noah commented.

"It's Lou!" Buck cried, his eyes having pierced through the blackness, "She's hurt!"

In a moment, they saw what Buck had. Lou was leaning far off her horse, swaying unsteadily, pitched entirely too far forward.

Lightning was running wildly, out of control, and he was coming in too fast.

"Whoa!" Jimmy and Cody called, stepping boldly into the path of the lathered and panicked horse, raising their hands high.

Lightning slid to a stop and skittered sideways nervously. All the riders watched and waited for Lou to tumble off, but though she still leaned unevenly, she remained on the animal's back.

"Lou!" Kid nearly screamed as Jimmy brought the horse to a final trembling halt, placing a hand on Lou's leg to hold her on the horse. Kid reached her in two strides and grabbed her waist. Her head lolled back limply then, and for the first time he got a look at her. They all did, and what they saw scared them out of their wits.

Her face was blackened and blood matted her hair. She wore a dress that was torn and gaping at the top, exposing five deep tears across her chest. Her arms and hands were wound into the horse's mane and also covered in blood. Her eyes were glassy and full of a horror that was unspeakable.

"Oh, Jesus, Lou, what happened?" Kid breathed, his voice breaking as he attempted to help her off the horse.

Lou stared at him without recognition for only a moment before she fell forward on her horse's neck, unconscious.

Buck and Jimmy were instantly at Kid's side, trying to help lift her off the horse.

"Her hands are wrapped in his mane," Buck frantically said, and tried to pry them open so they could take her inside, "I can't get her hands open, I'm afraid I'm going to hurt her!"

"Cut the mane then," Jimmy suggested, his eyes on Lou the entire time.

Buck quickly did so, and watched in horrified silence as Kid slid a boneless Lou into his arms everyone and then carried her inside the bunkhouse. Her hands still clenched around fistfulls of black horse hair.

Teaspoon glanced at Jesse who was pale and scared. All of the riders looked that way, but he knew Jesse especially needed sheltering from a truth none of them wanted to face. "Jesse, do Lou a favor and take care of Lightning. He's been ridden too hard, but I'm sure there is a good reason. Unsaddle him, blanket him, and walk him down. When he's cool fix him a hot bran mash, and check him for soundness, all right?"

For the first time, Jesse was content with doing what he'd usually view as a kid's job, and before taking the reins of the trembling horse he turned blue eyes full of fear up towards Teaspoon, "Is she gonna be alright?"

Teaspoon couldn't lie to him. "I don't know yet son. I hope so, but I don't know. Go tend the horse."

"Oh Louise," Rachel breathed when she looked over Lou. Kid moved from stoking the fire to see what Rachel was looking at. She had pulled the torn neckline of the dress aside to reveal the five jagged tears across Lou's collarbone and chest. They were no doubt made by a man's hand.

"Rachel, did he..." He couldn't seem to muster the word, then suddenly he spit it out, "Did he rape her?"

Rachel reached back to squeeze Kid's hand, "I don't know yet, Kid. Why don't you wait outside while I look her over?"

Kid shook his head, "I'm not going anywhere Rachel."

Rachel knew better than to argue with him and nodded, "Well then, go put some water on the fire so we can clean up these scratches. They are dirty from all that dust, and I'm afraid they'll get inflamed."

Kid nodded and went to work for Rachel, numbly following her instructions, his eyes only leaving Lou when they had to.

It was when he turned back around from getting Rachel a soft towel that he noticed her skirt had inched up above her knee. And he saw a trail of blood on the inside of her thigh and calf.

" _Rachel_ ," Kid breathed, feeling like he'd been turned to stone.

At the despair in his voice, Rachel whirled from where she'd been looking for bandages to care for Lou's scratches, honestly afraid Lou had died while her back was turned from Kid's tone.

"Rachel, look--" Kid finally broke, the first tears coursing down his cheeks.

She did look, saw the blood. Pushing Kid to sit by Lou's head, Rachel gingerly lifted the skirts of the gown, and felt bile threaten to rise to her throat. Lou's thighs were bare, chafed raw from the saddle, and bruised from the grip of rough hands. Her undergarments were gone.

"Rachel?" Kid's words were ragged, agonized, begging her to deny the truth he'd just seen with his own eyes and confirmed in Rachel's expression.

"Yes." Was all Rachel could say.

Kid grabbed Lou's hand between both of his and bent his head to rest beside hers on the pillow, a sob shaking his shoulders hard.

It was that moment Jimmy walked cautiously in the bunkhouse and upon looking at Kid, knew instantly that their fears were not unfounded.

"I'm gonna kill him," Jimmy whispered, and turned on his heel to do just that.

When Jimmy made his intentions clear, Noah and Cody gathered themselves to ride shotgun.

Teaspoon caught them at the barn entrance. "What the hell do you think you all are doin?"

"You _know_ what we're doin'." Jimmy said flatly. "And don't try to stop us, damn it."

"And where you gonna look? You don't even know this was Wicks. You don't know where he is, or if he's even still alive. You gonna just ride till you hit the Pacific, looking for what you think you are after? Or you gonna wait until Lou wakes and tells us what happened?"

"Damn it, Teaspoon!" Jimmy roared, his fury with Wicks hurled at Teaspoon, who, damn him, was right. "I can't just sit here! You _saw_ her!"

"You listen to me," Teaspoon growled. "If she can bear it, then so can we. We are not gonna start falling apart right now, you got it? We are gonna hold ourselves together because she is going to need us. So I'm going to insist you all get a tighter grip on your control! You hear me?"

Jimmy, Cody, and Noah visibly deflated, shoulders sagging in defeat as they dismounted.

"When she wakes up, I'll be the first to ride out, boys. But we aren't facing this blind."

She didn't wake. Kid didn't know if it was exhaustion from the ride, the blow to her head where she'd bled quite a bit, or the simple inability for her mind to confront whatever had transpired in the interval since he'd last seen her. She lay in a cold sweat, murmuring and crying out softly in fear or pain, trapped in some internal hell he desperately wanted to pull her out of.

Lou suddenly strained hard against Kid's gentle hold on her hand and screamed at the top of her lungs.

Jimmy and Teaspoon burst into the bunkhouse, guns in hand, ready to fight who ever had gotten in. The others were close behind them.

"It's all right, Teaspoon," Rachel said quietly, smoothing Lou's hair away from her forehead, while she whimpered and tossed her head to avoid the touch. "She's just delirious."

"Not Theresa!" Lou pleaded as Kid helplessly tried to soothe her. Tears ran from Lou's closed eyes and she trembled and jerked on the bed.

Kid bowed his head. He was past his tears, turned inside out with grief for her. Teaspoon had never seen a boy in so much torment as he did when Kid tried to break through to Lou, who was trapped in the terror of her mind, "Lou, he's not here, you are safe! I swear it this time!"

Teaspoon sighed, "I'm going to get some whiskey, maybe it will quiet her, and let her rest."

Not much later, both Jimmy and Kid had to hold down the thrashing, sweating, rambling Lou as Teaspoon eased the whisky down her throat. It didn't take long before she had quieted.

Flushed and trembling, Lou finally ceased to fight the hands that tried to soothe her. Her torn chest began rising and falling more easily, and she slept quietly. Still, even in the liquor induced stupor, her brow was furrowed with pain.

Kid seemed to finally breathe a little easier when Lou rested. He sat in a chair by the bed, and oblivious to the others, lay his head down beside hers, holding her hand, eyes open and resting on her face.

Jimmy wasn't far away either, ready to see Lou open her eyes. His eyes traveled along the curve of her face, and his blood grew hotter as he took in the large cut on her temple, and then the cuts on her chest, covered by bandages now. Even the hand that Kid so gently held had been covered in blood. Maybe it is Wicks blood, Jimmy fervently hoped. Did you get a piece of him, Lou?

Rachel had said it had taken both her and Kid to pry her fingers from the horsehair that had anchored her to Lightning on her hellish ride for home.

Teaspoon placed a hand on Jimmy's shoulder, startling him out of his grim musings.

"Why don't you boys get a few hours sleep. It's dawn, but it's been a hard night."

"I don't think any of us could sleep after all this, Teaspoon," Buck said grimly.

Teaspoon nodded, "I know it."

Not long after that, Jesse slowly let himself into the bunkhouse. Teaspoon instantly saw that the boy had been crying. "I know I shouldn't be in here, but I couldn't wait any longer."

Noah quickly set his arm around the boy's shoulder, "You have every right to be here. You are family."

"Is she all right?"

"She will be," Jimmy muttered with conviction and wished he didn't see the doubt on the faces of almost everyone else in the room at his words.

Morning had just started its way across the sky when a group of riders approaching caused everyone in the bunkhouse but Lou to stir. They were coming close to the bunkhouse rather than passing into town.

The boys all jumped for their guns with bloodthirsty eyes, ready to face Wicks.

"You boys calm the hell down now!" Teaspoon roared, "You aren't going to murder him!"

"Teaspoon!" Buck cried, "Is this not enough to hold him still?"

"I'm going to arrest him, Buck. But he has to be alive for me to do that! I'll go out there!"

"We're going with you!" Cody said, "Don't try to stop us."

"You boys just stay calm, you understand me?"

"Okay," Noah, Buck, and Cody agreed, making an effort to look calm.

Jimmy met Teaspoon's eyes in defiance, not promising anything. Kid stared at the door, his expression maddened.

"You two stay inside. The rest of you come on. And I do the talking!"

Jimmy would have protested, but he knew that if he went, the Kid would go, and there would be no controlling him. He paced while the others went outside, and Kid continued to stare at the door wordlessly. Jimmy glanced towards Jesse, who looked uncertain. Rachel shifted foot-to-foot restlessly. There seemed a lack of air in the bunkhouse as they waited.

Teaspoon quickly scanned the crowd of men, and did not see Wicks among them. He was surprised to see another marshal among the men.

"Hello Marshal. How can I help you?"

"I am here with the citizens of Sand Creek to apprehend a murderer and a thief that has run from us."

"You think he's in Rock Creek? I'm sure I'd know about him if he was," Teaspoon smiled, relieved that it wasn't Wicks after all.

"First of all, it's not a he, it's a she. And I know she's in Rock Creek and so do you."

"What are you talking about?" Cody asked.

"Louise McCloud murdered Frank Wicks last night in Sand Creek, and another man is very close to death by her hand!"

The boys all threw each other surprised looks as Teaspoon said, "Murder? If Frank Wicks is dead he was killed in self-defense, and all you have to do is look at her to realize that! He nearly killed her!"

"Frank Wicks had reason to go after her. You see among her other belongings she left in the stable we found nearly five hundred dollars in cash that Frank Wicks had reported she'd stolen. And the other man she killed is a hotel clerk, as gentle a soul as they come."

Teaspoon was at a loss for words momentarily. Lou had lied to them. She did have something Wicks wanted besides her. She had stolen from the man. Had been caught with the money she had denied existed. And that put her in a very bad situation.

"There must be some mistake, Marshal," Buck began.

"No, son, there is no mistake. Now, I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to take me to the girl, or you'll be in danger of obstructing justice."

Teaspoon put a hand on Buck's shoulder when Buck started forward. The boy was more volatile than Teaspoon had ever seen him, still mad with grief over Ike, and now Lou. The last thing they needed was for Buck to get into trouble too.

Teaspoon cleared his throat, "Sir, the girl is inside, but she is badly injured and in need of rest. She's been unconscious for some time, and until I hear what she has to say, I'm afraid I can't let you take her."

"I'll demand your full cooperation, sir!" The marshal began.

"With all due respect sir, you are in _my_ town. I'll demand _yours_!"

The marshal of Sand Creek and Teaspoon stared each other down, neither willing to back down. Teaspoon finally said, "As a law enforcement officer I am duty bound to uphold the law. I give you my word as a fellow lawman that I will detain the girl and question her. Then you will be allowed to question her. After that we will reach an agreement of what is to be done!"

"She's to be taken to Sand Creek and hanged!" Harley almost shouted, and several of the men snorted in agreement.

In a moment, Jimmy appeared on the porch, his hand near his ivory handled colt. "What's going on?" He whispered to Cody.

"You don't even want to know," Cody mumbled, "Looks like Lou stole money from Wicks, and then killed him."

"What?" Jimmy exclaimed.

Teaspoon was speaking again though, so Cody didn't answer him, "I suggest you men make camp. I'll send a rider out to get you when she comes to."

The marshal nodded, "You better know what you are dealing with. That girl is a vicious killer, and she'll be treated as such! She stabbed Frank Wicks in the back. I wouldn't turn my own back on her if I was you."

"You ain't me. If you were you'd know how damned crazy you are for thinking that girl don't have a solid reason for this," Teaspoon defended Lou.

"She had a reason all right. She wanted his money."

Teaspoon didn't respond, but glared coldly at the men as they filed away from the bunkhouse. Wordlessly he turned and went inside, with the other riders on his heels.

"What are we gonna do Teaspoon?" Noah wondered.

"They can't really hang Lou can they?" Buck wondered incredulously.

"She couldn't have stolen Wick's money, could she?" Cody asked, shaking his head, "And even if she did, she had a good reason for doing it!"

"I know that, and you know that, but there is no way we can prove it to them!" Teaspoon muttered. "What the hell could she have been thinking, stealing money from a man like Wicks?"

"What I'm wondering about is the other fellow the marshal was talking about. The hotel clerk. All of you and I both know that Lou didn't try to kill an innocent man," Noah said slowly.

"Is Wicks locked up?" Kid growled, standing up.

"Wicks is dead, Lou killed him," Cody supplied.

"Good!" Kid snapped.

"No, not good, Kid," Teaspoon said, "The marshal along with a posse from Sand Creek are calling it cold-blooded murder. Seems Lou had some of Wick's money, and an innocent man was caught up in this mess too."

"What does Sand Creek have to do with any of this?" Jimmy wondered.

"I guess we won't know that until Lou wakes up," Teaspoon said, then narrowed his eyes. "Maybe that shouldn't be for a good, long while…"

"Why would you say a thing like that?" Jesse wondered for all of them.

"Because we need time, son. The longer I can hold them off, the better the chances they get tired of waiting and go home. Or at least they calm down a bit."

Teaspoon turned. "Jimmy, you and Cody head for Sand Creek. Find this hotel clerk that the marshal was talking about. If he's still alive, find out what really happened to him. If not, ask some questions, find someone who saw something. I need you to ride like the Devil is chasing you both ways. Get back here with the information, and the hotel clerk if he can ride!"

"Don't you think we should wait for Lou to wake up? She may be able to clear up this whole thing with two words," Rachel asked.

"No, I don't think we should wait for Lou to wake up. Once she wakes up I have no excuse for holding off that mob outside. They are fired up enough now that Lou wouldn't make it back to trial. They are gonna stop at the first tree they pass and string her up. Noah, real quiet like, I need you to go to the doctor. Tell him I need laudanum, and for him to keep it to himself I asked. Let the men think she isn't going to wake up at all, maybe they'll lose interest. Even if they don't, I don't have to let them take her until she can travel."

"You are going to drug her? I don't like that idea, Teaspoon," Kid said, shaking his head.

"Do you like the idea of that group lynching her any better?" Buck asked, "You trust the law to set her free?"

Teaspoon sighed, but couldn't argue with Buck.

"One question, Teaspoon," Cody suddenly asked, "What happens if the hotel clerk died and no one saw nothing? The marshal made it sound like he was in bad shape. Then it's Lou's word against theirs."

Teaspoon sighed, "I'm counting on him being alive. If not, well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"Or burn it," Jimmy suggested and nodded at Cody, "Come on, Billy. We got work to do."

Cody tipped his hat, letting his eyes stop on Lou. He walked over to her and leaned down close to her. Grabbing her hand, he whispered, "Don't you worry, Lou, we're gonna get to the bottom of all this."

Jimmy too walked to the bed, but he had no words he wanted the others to hear. He leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead, not caring what the others thought of that. With his eyes downcast to hide the worry in them, and ears hot with embarrassment, he pushed his black hat low and exited the bunkhouse.

"Marshal Hunter, I don't appreciate these games you've been playing with us! I want to see the girl for myself! How do I know you haven't let her slip away and she isn't in Mexico right now?"

Teaspoon sighed and looked at the other marshal. He couldn't blame the man for being suspicious. Hell, he _was_ deceiving him. "What if I let you see her, would that be satisfactory?"

The marshal nodded, "Yes, that would be good. For a start."

Teaspoon watched the marshal's face as he lay eyes on Lou. Kid stood up and moved away, eyes bloodshot, face unshaven and grim. The older man's mouth grew solemn and his cheeks flushed with anger at the sight of her injuries.

"She looks better than she did, Marshal," Teaspoon said quietly, "Worked her over good don't you think? He damn near killed her. Raped her too."

The marshal didn't say anything for long moments. Then, "the girl still stole from him. How do we know Wicks' wasn't acting in self-defense? And how do you know it was rape?"

Kid made a dangerous sound in his throat, but it was Rachel who spoke up. "Come on, Marshal. Look at her. Really look at her and tell me how you think Wicks is the victim?"

"How do you explain the hotel clerk then? He was a good, harmless boy," The marshal persisted.

"I can't, but I know she can, when she wakes up," Teaspoon said, and thought, or when Jimmy and Cody get back.

"I'd feel better if you'd put her in the jail," The marshal finally said, "My men would be a lot happier if you did that too."

"You questioning my word?" Teaspoon growled.

"No, but Roger Miller, the hotel clerk, had a lot of friends. And some men out there are getting tired of waiting. One of Wick's men is stirring them all up, and it's getting harder to keep them quiet. They got business to get back to in Sand Creek. Marshal. I don't know how much longer I can keep them calm. One way or another, that girl's gotta answer for what she did, and you're gonna want it to be my way and not theirs."

Teaspoon nodded, "All right, I'll put her in a cell."

"Teaspoon! She's in no condition to be moved around, or locked in that cold jail!" Rachel protested, and Buck and Jesse quickly nodded in agreement.

Teaspoon gave them his I-know-what-I'm-doing-look, and they were quiet. Within the hour Kid was carrying Lou, who was wrapped in a blanket against the cold, through town. Teaspoon swung the iron door of one of the cells open and Kid glared at him through sullen eyes.

"Would you rather those men rush in the bunkhouse and drag her back? Because that is what could have happened, Kid. With Jimmy and Cody gone, we're down too many men to stop it."

"I would rather have killed Wicks last week when he came in here."

"And then it would be you locked in this cell, just like that fool that shot Wicks first," Noah muttered, "Don't be a fool, Kid. And don't blame this on Teaspoon."

Kid said nothing as he placed Lou on the small cot in the cell. Rachel was not far behind him, covering her with extra blankets. Finally, without looking Teaspoon in the eye he mumbled, "Noah's right. I'm sorry."

"I know this is trying you more than any of us son. But I want you to realize that I'm just tryin' to do what I know how to do to keep her safe."

In a moment, the marshal from Sand Creek walked through the office door. He nodded and grunted to himself in satisfaction when he saw the girl being locked in the cell.

"You need some rest. You can sleep on the cot in the next cell, but you can't sit up with her any longer," Rachel said, walking in front of Kid as Noah dragged him out, obstructing his view of Lou. "We'll take shifts watching her, and if there is any change you'll be the first to know."

Kid saw he was outnumbered, and he lowered his voice so that the marshal couldn't hear him, "What if we've given her too much laudanum? What if she never wakes up?"

"Nonsense, Kid, Doc told Teaspoon how much to give her," Noah hissed, "Now quit being a fool and go get some sleep."

"I guess now I'll just wait for her to wake up," The marshal said nonchalantly.

Teaspoon cleared his throat, knowing they couldn't slip her any more laudanum with him there and said, "I can send Buck here out to get you when she wakes."

"Warmer in here," the marshal persisted, not to be outfoxed, "My bones agree with it in here much more."

Teaspoon sighed. He could only hope Jimmy and Cody would find the hotel clerk alive and ready to talk to them. He glanced at Lou and thought, _just keep your eyes closed a little while longer._ Her reality wasn't anything she should be in a hurry to get back to.

Later that night, Kid sat at Teaspoon's desk, his feet propped up on the desk, his chin on his chest, sound asleep. Everyone else had long turned in, including the marshal from Sand Creek. He had given Lou more of the drug as soon as he was gone. The others had left for home. Only Kid had refused to give up his vigil, but the long hours of worry had taken their toll on him, and finally he gave over to sleep.

That's why he never heard the door open and light footsteps move across the office. It was his instinct rather than noise that caused him to jump awake in the chair. He'd no more than realized there were men in the jail when something crashed into the back of his head and he slumped first into the chair, then to the floor.

Lou stirred slightly for the first time at the commotion, having fought consciousness for a long while. Something told her she didn't want to wake, to face what was happening, but before there had always been soothing hands and a sickly sweet liquid poured down her throat to help her back into merciful darkness. She longed for that to come now, but it didn't.

She couldn't remember where she was to save her life. The pain in her head was too great to hold her eyes open for long, but in a quick glance she saw she was in a jail cell. She again forced her eyes open when she felt hands on her, expecting them to be the comforting hands that brought her escape of sleep. However, it was a rough and urgent grip, and the next thing she knew she was being hauled up out of the bunk. A groan of pain escaped her as her aching head was jarred and her healing scratches cracked open as she was jostled.

"No," She mumbled softly, "Where are we going?"

"Well, Louise, you are going straight to Hell. We're gonna hang you for what you done to Frank Wicks." The voice struck a chord in her memory, and Lou forced her eyes open to see the man who held her so roughly, oblivious to her wounds. She gasped in surprise to see Thomas Harley.

Her eyes searched the area wildly, and she spotted Kid laying on the floor, motionless.

Harley clapped a hand over her mouth before she could scream. At the close contact with him, Lou felt panic wash over her like a black wave. Then, the drug pulled her back down into darkness.


	5. Chapter 5: Absolution

Chapter Five: Absolution

"He can't be dead!" Cody exclaimed at the older man, "Can't be!"

"I assure you he can be," The doctor snapped, squinting in the light of the candle he held, "Now is there any reason you boys are beating down my door in the middle of the night and telling me I don't know when one of my own patients is dead?"

Jimmy and Cody had the sense to look sheepish. It _was_ the middle of the night, and they'd just made it to Sand Creek. In their urgent search they hadn't taken into account that the doctor would be asleep.

At the despair on the two young men's faces, the doctor softened a bit, "Were you family or friends of Roger Miller?"

"No sir. He just knew something that would help someone who is a friend of ours," Cody said with a sigh.

"Family," Jimmy corrected.

The doctor squinted, "Doesn't have anything to do with a girl in trouble does it?"

Jimmy's eyes were instantly piercing the doctor's, "It has _everything_ to do with a girl in trouble."

"Maybe you two boys should come in," The doctor suggested and stepped aside. Jimmy and Cody attempted to beat the top layer of dust off of their clothes before they crossed the threshold.

Once they were inside, the doctor relayed what he knew, "I was in the hotel when Roger was stabbed. I was checking on a guest who had a touch of the fever. I heard an awful ruckus from the office, as did all the other guests. Suddenly a man emerged with a lady in his arms; she'd been roughed up badly. He told us that he'd stabbed the man inside in self-defense, and that the same man had put the marks on that poor girl. He sent one man after a doctor, and he left before I could say that I was a doctor. I walked in the office expecting to find some vermin from the street, but instead I found Roger Miller, who I've known since he was just a lad, nearly dead. I knew the man's story couldn't be true, Roger wouldn't harm a fly. I brought Roger back here and did the best I could, but it wasn't enough. I lost him early this evening."

"I'm sorry," Jimmy murmured, then explained, "It's just that the townspeople think our friend is the one who killed him too, in cold blood. A posse has came to our town to bring her back here to be hanged...but the problem is she ain't been awake to tell us what really happened and we can't hold off that posse forever."

"The girl is your friend? Well, it looks like she did kill the other man, Frank Wicks. And I've heard talk she had his money."

"Yes, but she killed Wicks because he would have killed her if not," Cody said, "And the marks he left on her prove that. We just need some way to prove that she didn't kill Miller. The fact that Wicks told a lobby full of people that he'd done it is a good start."

"I can do better than that," The doctor said, "Roger was conscious just once before he died, and he told me, that the man who attacked him was going to kill that girl. He was very adamant about it, made me swear to help her. I'll testify that he said that. Most of the townspeople know and trust my word. Maybe I can help her after all."

Jimmy reached out for the doctor's hand, "Thank you sir! Can you ride out with us tonight? We're afraid they might try to hurt her before they get back here."

"Give me a few minutes to get my things in order," The doctor nodded, "I'm Richard Williams, by the way."

Cody introduced both of them and told Dr. Williams, "We'll meet you in the livery stable in half an hour."

Once outside the doctor's house, Jimmy and Cody collapsed on the porch in sheer exhaustion and relief.

Suddenly Jimmy jumped to his feet, "Come on, let's check the hotel, maybe there's something there..."

"Does it matter?" Cody whined, "We already have enough to assure anyone that she didn't kill an innocent man!"

"I want to know!" Jimmy said, "Come on, we already been riding more than ten hours, and we are about to ride ten more. It ain't going to make that much difference if we rest five minutes or not."

"Speak for yourself," Cody growled, but followed his friend. A few minutes later they were standing in the hotel, scanning the guest book.

"Here it is. She is under the name Rachel Hunter," Jimmy murmured more to himself than Cody. After getting the key from the clerk, they explored the room where Lou had been held captive. A violent shudder seized Jimmy when he thought of what might have happened in this room; how terrified she must have been, and how desperate. The room smelled of blood, sex and fear to Jimmy, though he realized he was probably imagining it.

"Hickock, I think I'm gonna be sick," Cody murmured, echoing Jimmy's thoughts.

Jimmy shook his head, "No time. Look around."

Cody suddenly appeared from under the bed holding Lou's purple handbag and they sat on the bed and emptied it on the space between them. Inside they found a fair amount of money, Lou's gun, and a piece of crumpled paper. Cody quickly grabbed it and read it aloud. Both he and Jimmy exchanged furious glances when he was done, and Cody tucked the letter into the lapel of his buckskin coat.

"So that's how he did it. He told her he had her brother and sister. Warned her to come alone," Jimmy said shaking his head, "he'd know she would do what he said; she wouldn't have wasted the time to ride back for help, thinking he had her sister."

"What if he really had them?" Cody wondered.

"He didn't," Jimmy said with conviction.

"What makes you so sure?"

"Because Lou would have either returned with them, or not returned at all," Jimmy reasoned, "Let's ride. This is enough to prove that Wicks had every intention of doing her harm."

"Please let us be time!" Cody muttered as they ran for the stable. 

* * *

**Kid was aware of two things. First and foremost, he had a terrible headache. Secondly, he was freezing. His first thought was that Cody must have left the door open again, like he always managed to do on cold mornings when he had an early ride and the others didn't.**

 **Coming closer to rousing, he realized suddenly he was on the floor. The jail floor. He jumped to his feet, but not before he managed to ram the lump on his head into the desk above him.**

As he feared, she was gone. For the second time, she'd been taken from him. Ignoring the dizziness and the sharp pains, Kid bolted from Teaspoon's office, not bothering to close the door behind him.

He saddled Katy in record time, and pointed her in the direction of Sand Creek without ever looking back or considering wasting enough time to ask for help.

* * *

 ****

 **"Rider comin' fast!" A man from the back of the posse shouted. Marshal Gates swung in his saddle to see a young man riding hell-bent for them. He sighed when he recognized the young man who had been caring for Louise McCloud, not overly surprised.**

 **"Could be trouble boys! Be on your toes, but don't do anything stupid! He's just a boy!" The marshal warned.**

 **Kid pulled Katy to a trembling halt at the back of the line, right beside the wagon that Lou lay in.**

 **"Now son," The marshal began.**

 **"You had no right to do what you did!" Kid shouted, pointing at the marshal and trying to ignore the pulses of pain through his skull, "I'm taking her back with me!"**

 **"This warrant says different. We are taking this girl to be tried for murder."**

 **Kid reached for his gun, but the men had been ready, and several barrels were aimed at him before his cleared the hostler.**

 **"Go back to Rock Creek, son. Tell Teaspoon Hunter that the girl is conscious and able to travel. It will take a few days for the judge to make his rounds. You can all be there for her trial, which I intend to see she gets."**

The Marshal's intentions may have been good, but the look that passed from man to man made Kid highly doubt there would be any trial.

"I ain't leaving without her!" Kid insisted.

"Boy, I'm growing tired of this. Get out of here, or I'll put you under arrest for obstructing justice."

Kid sighed. If it meant staying with Lou, he'd have to do it. "I'm not going."

"Ken, put the irons on him," Ben Gates said. "Damn it boy."

Kid glanced over his shoulder after the cuffs weighted his wrists, and hoped for signs of Teaspoon. Teaspoon could stop this madness. He glanced at Lou in the wagon. Her eyes were open and fixed on the sky. She moved them neither to the left nor right, nor did she blink often. She was ashen and lifeless. Kid called her name softly once, but she didn't respond. Dread dropped anew in the pit of his stomach, and he would have given anything to go to her.

As they rode along, he searched the faces of the men. Why did everyone believe that Lou had killed one of their friends? She hadn't. Not without a damned good reason, but they all were mad with the need for revenge. Their thirst for justice could not have been inspired by Wicks, a man that was not one of theirs and by all accounts was a poor excuse for a human being. So, the question was, who had lied, who had something to gain from lying?

They pushed ever westward, under a sky that was growing ominous with thunderheads. Lightning flashed ahead and the wind was picking up. Kid was watching the ever-darkening sky when three riders came into view. He straightened in interest, recognizing Jimmy's palomino.

When it became obvious that the riders were coming toward them, Marshal Gates called for the posse to halt. Kid was relieved at the arrival of Jimmy and Cody, and another man.

"It's Doc," One of the men said, "And it looks like two of them boys from Rock Creek."

"What's going on Richard?" The marshal shouted over the howling wind.

"You're making a mistake Ben. The girl isn't the one who stabbed Roger Miller."

"How do you know?"

Jimmy spotted Kid, his hands bound together at the back of the posse, and nudged Cody. They moved closer to where he sat on Katy.

"What are you doing here?" Cody wondered for both of them, as the doctor explained how Roger Miller had died defending the girl from Wicks, and how Wicks had admitted in front of all the hotel's guest that it had been him who had killed the man.

"They took Lou last night. They knocked me out. When I woke up, I rode after her."

"Where are the others?" Jimmy asked.

"Back at Rock Creek. They weren't in the jail at the time, and I don't even know if they've missed me yet. Did you find a way to get Lou out of this?"

"What does the jail have to do with this?" Cody wondered.

"Nevermind that," Jimmy said, "We found the doctor who cared for Miller. And we found the ransom note for Lou's brother and sister that Wicks sent her."

"Ransom note?" Kid asked in confusion but Jimmy held up a hand to stop Kid's questions, his eyes falling on a man who seemed to be taking the doctor's account badly.

"Watch him," Jimmy muttered and Kid nodded, "Yeah. I see him."

Thunder suddenly shook the earth and there was a moment of chaos as everyone tried to bring their spooked horses under control. The marshal was then asking to see the ransom note, which Cody gladly handed over. After he read it, his eyes sought out Thomas Harley, who had been edging toward the wagon carrying Lou.

"You've got a whole hell of a lot of explaining to do," Ben Gates thundered as the first fat drops of rain fell.

"She murdered him! She was his and she killed him!" He screeched, and drew his gun.

Lightning flashed and the world seemed to move in slow motion in the seconds that followed. Kid flung himself off Katy, toward the wagon, screaming "Jimmy!" as he did so. He fell on his knees but scrambled up as Jimmy's gun cleared his holster.

Thunder crashed and the sky opened up in torrents of rain as the two guns went off simultaneously, one toward the wagon, one toward Thomas Harley. And then, it was over, and everyone sat motionless in the pouring rain, trying to understand what had just happened.

Slowly, Thomas Harley slid sideways off his horse and fell dead to the ground.

Kid, who had frozen in shock at the sound of the gunshots suddenly screamed Lou's name, and made himself look over the edge of the wagon.

Jimmy and Cody, in the meantime had leapt off their horses and hurried for the wagon's edge also, expecting the worst. There lay Lou, her eyes closed against the rain, with a bullet hole in the wood not half a foot from her head. She seemed not to notice the near miss. Kid, Jimmy, and Cody all grabbed the edge of the wagon for support as they stood on knees trembling with relief.

Suddenly Kid was striding away from the wagon and toward the marshal.

"Get these off of me!" He demanded, thrusting his wrists toward the man with the key. The marshal wordlessly did so, seeing too late the mistake he had saw that he had paled in realization of what his men might have done to the relatively innocent girl in the wagon.

Kid leapt in the wagon beside Lou and gently gathered her into his arms. She stirred and cried out in fear, and fought for a moment before her wild eyes rested on Kid's face.

"I thought they had killed you," She whispered, her voice sounding rusty after days of not speaking.

"I thought they'd killed you too." Kid said and then was overcome by an emotion so strong he could no longer speak. Instead he pulled her to him and hugged her tightly. Then he stood up in the wagon.

Over the heads of the other men his determined gaze found the marshal's. "We're going home," He stated.

The marshal nodded, "I'm coming back with you. I still got questions for her about the money. If she answers them, maybe it can end there."

He turned to the posse, the fire and blood thirst gone once they realized one of their own had not been murdered by the girl after all.

The men of Sand Creek watched as the girl was handed to Jimmy, who waited until the Kid was on Katy to hand her back to him.

Jimmy and Cody swung on to their horses, and without a backward glance, the four of them turned and headed back for Rock Creek.

Marshal Ben Gates swallowed the apology that had formed at the base of his throat, and instead turned his horse to follow, motioning his deputy to take care of Harley's body.

They were not far from home when another group of horsemen approached them. Buck, Noah, and Teaspoon pulled up in front of them.

"Is she alright?" Buck asked, looking at Lou who'd been asleep against Kid's chest for most of the ride back.

"I don't know," Kid said softly.

"Should we be expecting another posse to come retrieve her any time soon?" Teaspoon wondered.

"No, but the Marshal there still has some questions for her. Posse rode on home," Cody supplied.

"Kid, _you_ all right?" Teaspoon wondered, looking at the gash on his temple.

"Yeah. Let's go home."

*

* * *

Lou felt like her mind and body had been overtaken by someone else. Someone cool and dispassionate, who could remember to move her arms and legs, and breathe, but was a hundred miles removed from everyone around her.

They'd brought her back to the bunkhouse, settled her on her bunk. The Marshal from Sand Creek hung back while they fussed over her, trying to make her comfortable, trying to put her at ease. Lou let them, but personally didn't think she'd ever feel easy again.

"Marshal, make your questions quick, why don't you? She's had an ordeal," Teaspoon ordered. And though it was technically Marshal Gates' investigation, he had enough grace to recognize that after he'd let his posse drag her halfway across the prairie and almost get shot by a man who'd lied to them about her role in the events of the last days, his authority on the matter was rightfully in question.

"Lou, you want us to leave you?" Teaspoon asked gently.

Lou's eyes slowly turned in his general direction but didn't really focus on anything. She shrugged. Teaspoon worried at the vacant look in her eyes, but didn't say anything.

"I ain't leaving her with him," Kid growled.

"Me either," Jimmy echoed.

"All right, the rest of you boys, out." Teaspoon murmured, glanced at Lou, who was now looking at her lap. "I'll stay too."

* * *

Marshal Gates dragged a chair to her bunk and sat down at her side, closer to her than Lou would have liked. Kid, without comment, sat at the foot of her bed, not exactly creating a barrier between her and the Marshal, but making it clear he stood between them.

Kid was careful to avoid touching her, and when Lou realized that, a little peal of pain struck at her heart, through all the layers of indifference she'd pulled around herself. Jimmy sat at the table and Teaspoon leaned up against the next bunk. The Marshal sighed. "Miss McCloud, I know this must be very difficult for you to speak about."

Lou did not respond. She simply met his gaze steadily for a moment, then let her eyes drift somewhere over his right shoulder.

"How do you know Frank Wicks?"

It surprised her when a hysterical, but humorless, laugh from somewhere deep broke from her lips before she could stop it. It was the sheer absurdity of both the question and the answer. _Biblicaly, but not by choice?_ How the hell did she answer that question?

She saw the concerned look that her men exchanged at her bizarre reaction, knew they thought her afflicted in her brain, and struggled to quiet herself. The brittle laugh died away and tense silence ruled again.

Clearly worried for her sanity, Kid spoke up, telling the Marshal of how she'd come to work for Wicks, how he'd raped her as a girl and how she had run from him.

Lou half-listened, not entirely interested in the story. She knew how it ended, after all. She fixated on one of the glass pitchers on the shelves above the kitchen basin; it was dangerously close to the edge.

"That true?" Marshal Gates asked her.

"Yeah," Lou murmured and shrugged, reluctantly looking away from the pitcher. If she could just go fix it, she thought, stretch up on her toes and push it an inch back from the edge, maybe things would feel right in this room and in her own skin. But she couldn't, and the pitcher and her own mind remained perched on the edge of a precipice.

"Didn't it occur to you that working in a brothel, that something like that might be expected of you?" Marshal Gates asked.

Jimmy stood up so quickly his chair crashed on the floor behind him, causing Lou and everyone else in the room to startle. His voice boomed to the rafters, "If all your questions are gonna be this damned stupid Marshal, we might as well end this now! She was a kid!"

"Jimmy…" Teaspoon warned, but then pinned the Marshal with a glare. "Let's move this along to more present times, Marshal Gates, why don't we?."

"Did you steal Wicks' money, Miss McCloud?" the Marshal asked, cutting to the point.

"Of course she didn't!" Kid growled at the same time Lou shrugged, "Yeah, I guess I did."

Under their shocked stares, she elaborated, "One of his girls had stolen it from him and turned up here needing help. Wicks was pretty tight-fisted with the girls' money. Kept them dependent on him enough to keep them in their place. When Charlotte couldn't stand it any more, she took what she thought he owed her. Wicks hunted her down like the dog he thought of her as. She killed herself rather than go back to him. When I found it, I didn't intend him to ever have it back."

"It wasn't your money to keep," the Marshal said, not unkindly. "You know that, don't you?"

"It certainly cost me more than I planned," Lou retorted, bitter down to the depths of her soul that Wicks had come back into her life, that she had imagined she might best him. That she had lost.

"Can you tell me what happened in Sand Creek?"

Lou shrugged, returned her eyes to the pitcher as she muttered, "Wicks got a message to me that he had my brother and sister and to come to him in Sand Creek or he'd hurt them...I just, I had to go. I never thought that he might be lying, baiting me like a fool…and I walked right into it."

"Lou, he wasn't playing fair," Kid murmured. "You're no fool."

"I went to get them back. I had the money with me. I don't know what I was gonna do with the money...I didn't want it, but I couldn't let him have it back after Charlotte died. But when I thought he had my brother and sister, that all changed. I would have given him anything not to hurt them…"

The terror of the day of not-knowing if her sister and brother had been harmed...and what had come next...broke her voice, but with every ounce of determination she had, Lou pushed the emotion back down. To feel something was to feel everything, and she would not bear it. She looked down at her hands in her lap, realized they were clenched into fists.

"I'd planned to outsmart him, get Theresa and Jeremiah and run when he wasn't looking. But he was waiting for me. He got into my room."

"What happened there?" The Marshal persisted.

"Marshal, are the details really important?" Kid growled.

"A man died. Two men. It's important."

Lou concentrated on retreating far into herself, letting the stranger under her skin take over in a distant voice. "He beat me. I lost consciousness. When I woke, well, he'd had his way with me already. I don't remember anything about it, except waking up alone and knowing he'd taken me while I was out."

Both Kid and Jimmy made identical sounds of distress. Teaspoon turned his back for a moment, pacing the floor and back again. "Lordy, lord," he muttered to himself, reassuming his position against the bunk.

"I got out of the room and asked Miller to help me. He tried to, but Wicks found me, stabbed him. He took me back up to his room."

She hoped the Marshal would tell her that it had been enough, but he simply watched her with a shrewd gaze. Pity had started to crowd out the suspicion in his eyes, and she thought she preferred the condemnation.

"He planned on...having his way again. I tried to fight him. He was stronger. But, I'd found a letter opener in the office when Miller was attacked. I waited for the opportunity, and I stabbed him. In the back while he was on me. Twice, maybe three times, maybe more. I don't remember. I kept on until he stopped."

The Marshal nodded. Kid, Jimmy, and Teaspoon looked at Lou with horrified expressions at what she'd had to do.

"I didn't know what else to do, and I didn't care. Don't care now that he's dead. I just needed him to stop hurting me. And then, I ran. I knew the law'd come for me, but all I could think of was to get back home...I knew you'd be crazy with worry if I didn't come home."

Kid's eyes filled with tears as Lou glanced at him. He mastered control of his expression, nodded, and spoke around the tightness in his throat, "Yeah. I would have been, Lou."

The telling left a heavy, awkward silence over the room. She fixated back on the pitcher. Wondered why it didn't tumble down.

Finally, Teaspoon prodded, "Well, Marshal. What's your move?"

The marshal sighed, rubbing his face. "I'm sorry for what happened to you, Miss McCloud, and for my part in what came next. Truth be told, I should probably arrest you and let you tell your story to a judge...but then, both men who accused you of stealin' the money's dead and I can't say as I am sorry to have the world rid of them. I think my work here is done as good as it can be. No witnesses left to testify against the lady now. Seems like a waste of time and money to have a trial."

"What about the money?" Jimmy asked quietly. "Shouldn't Lou have a say in what happens to it?"

"Miss McCloud?"

Lou shuddered. "Use it to bury Mr. Miller."

"And the rest?"

"I don't care."

Lou said no more as the men stood and the Marshal and Teaspoon let themselves out of the bunkhouse.

When they closed the door, the pitcher finally lost purchase, fell, and shattered into a thousand pieces.

Lou hugged her arms around herself and turned to face the wall.

* * *

 ****

 **"Lou, please eat something!" Jesse pleaded, as he sat at her bedside.**

 **It had been two weeks since Kid had carried her back into the bunkhouse. Her wounds had closed and her bruises had faded, but her eyes still held pain and distrust, and very little else. She'd rarely moved from her bunk. She lay for long hours facing the wall, her eyes open and fixed on the wood. She hadn't spoken more than a few words, and still had not shed the first tear.**

The other riders feared her spirit was broken completely, her fire extinguished.

Lou found that it was easy to block the pain, but doing that meant blocking everything else, especially the love that was showered upon her.

They all tried to draw her out in their way. Cody with a funny story, Buck had brought herbs to reduce the swelling of the wounds on her head and chest, Noah had brought her chocolates from Fort Laramie. Kid had spent endless hours trying to talk to her about everything and nothing.

But she couldn't, wouldn't, face the reality of all that had happened. She couldn't do it again, she decided. She just didn't have the heart to start all over, to recover. Even if it was breaking the hearts of all around her to see her give up. Only Jimmy let her be. He was there, often, watching, but he didn't pepper her with mindless chit-chat.

Now, Jimmy sat at the bunkhouse table, balancing himself on the back legs of the chair. His eyes were on Lou as Jesse sat at her bedside holding out a bowl of soup to her. He sighed as she turned her back to the boy, hugging her arms across her chest and staring at the wall she'd stared at for nearly fourteen days.

Buck came in the door and met Jimmy's eyes, asking if there was a change, a tiny sign that Lou was going to try to live again. Jimmy shook his head slightly.

He'd just gotten back from his ride, and had been surprised to hand the mochila to Kid for the first time. Teaspoon had finally urged the boy to leave Lou's side. Although Kid never would have admitted it, the other boys all knew he must be grateful for the break. It broke his heart to sit with her day after day looking at her small shoulders hunched against his gentle hands should he try to touch her.

"Hey Lou, got some snow out on the trail today!" Buck called to her, knowing Lou loved the snow.

As usual, she didn't seem to hear him. Jimmy had seen her stiffen at her name, though the movement was barely visible. She heard them, all right, he thought, she was just determined that they would not draw her back into their world.

Suddenly he was determined to do just that. And he was going to do it today. They'd tried being patient. They'd walked around on eggshells for days, trying not to upset her. Well, they hadn't upset her. She'd been as good as a corpse, shutting all of them out. And it had already gone on too long. She was stubborn, Jimmy knew, and she'd made up her mind that she wasn't going to recover.

 _Yes you are damn it_ , he thought.

"Hey Jesse, go saddle up Lighting and my horse, would you? Lou and I are going riding."

Jesse turned in surprise, but it was Buck who said, "Doesn't look like she's up to riding."

Jimmy again saw Lou stiffen as she listened to every word that was said.

"Time for her to start earning her keep, building her strength back up," Jimmy said forcefully, "Go on, Buck, why don't you help Jesse?"

Buck stood up as Jimmy did and the two stood face to face, "Jimmy, what's gotten into you? You can't rush her. We've got to give her time."

Jimmy stared at Buck evenly. "You all tried it your way. Now mine," he whispered to Buck.

Buck glanced uncertainly back at Lou. Then he sighed and without looking Jimmy in the eye said, "Come on, Jesse."

When they were out of the bunkhouse Jimmy walked over to Lou, and gently touched her shoulder, "Come on, Lou, we're going riding."

"No," she mumbled and tried to pull away from his hand. However, his gentle grip was nonetheless firm, and he didn't let go.

"It's a beautiful day outside Lou," Jimmy continued, "The sun's out, but there's also some snow on the ground. Real pretty."

"I don't care about the damned snow, leave me alone," Lou whispered, wishing him away.

"I don't care if you don't care. We're going riding," Jimmy insisted. And with that he gathered her in his arms and lifted her off the bed.

She flinched at his touch, a flash of fear in her eyes when they met his. Jimmy saw it and it floored him. He froze for a moment then whispered through a throat thick with emotion, "don't you be afraid of me, Lou! You know better!" But as much as it slayed him to see her fear, to know it wasn't unfounded, he didn't let up.

"Stop it!" She protested weakly, as he stood her on her feet far away from her bunk. She weaved unsteadily for a moment, and he didn't let her go until he was sure she wouldn't fall. Her eyes were still dull when she turned them up to look at him, "Why are you making me do this?"

Her voice and her sad eyes were enough to break his heart, but Jimmy fought with himself, and told himself it was for her own good. Let her hate him, he thought, at least that would be some kind of emotion, and any emotion was an improvement.

Jimmy ordered her to stand where she was, and knew that she wouldn't dare fight him, not yet. She wasn't ready to let go of her passiveness. She thought she could wait him out. He searched her dresser for her warmest wool shirt and returned to face her.

"Put this on over that shirt," He ordered her.

"No," she said weakly, but didn't fight when Jimmy gently pulled the shirt over her head, careful to avoid contact with her still healing scratches. She was equally passive when he pulled on her coat and gloves, thick socks, and boots. Jimmy felt as if he was dressing a child, not a young woman. All the while Lou looked at him with haunted, accusing eyes that he had trouble meeting.

After gently placing her hat on her head and pulling on his own coat, he ushered her outside. His movements were ever gentle but always firm, always brooking no argument.

Buck and Jesse held the horses at the foot of the bunkhouse stairs, and Cody and Noah had gathered nearby to watch with interest as Lou stepped outside for the first time in two weeks. She blinked and held up her hand to shield her sensitive eyes.

She looked like a waif, like she shouldn't be strong enough to stand on her own two feet.

Cody was about to say something to Jimmy in rebuke, but Jimmy's piercing glare silenced him. Cody sighed. It was a good thing Kid wasn't here. Or Teaspoon. Or Rachel for that matter. None of them would approve of Jimmy's actions. He just held his breath as Jimmy lifted Lou onto her black horse and hoped whatever the plan was, it worked.

"You all right?" Jimmy asked Lou softly when they both were astride their horses.

Lou looked down at Lightning's neck. It felt like years since she'd sat on him. Her eyes found two chunks of mane missing and she remembered vaguely Rachel and Kid prying her hands open and removing chunks of horsehair that had cut into her flesh that first night she'd come back. She had clung to it like her lifeline. She glanced at her palms, saw the fading marks as proof it hadn't been a nightmare.

The memory startled and upset her, and she quickly blocked it out, making her mind the blank it had been since she'd regained consciousness in the back of a wagon on her way back to Sand Creek to be hanged.

"Come on then," Jimmy said firmly and started to ride away.

When she didn't follow, he patiently rode back and picked up her horse's reins, and Lightning followed obediently.

Noah raised his eyebrows and shook his head, "That might be just crazy enough to work," he commented.

"What's he gonna do?" Jesse wondered, worried about Lou.

"He's gonna force her to feel again," Buck said quietly, suddenly understanding.

"As stubborn as both of them are, I hate to think about either one of them forcing the other to do something they got their mind set against," Cody pointed out.

"That's exactly Hickok's plan," Noah explained. He whistled through his teeth. "If it works, Hickok may not come back in one piece."

"He knows that," Buck said quietly.

* * *

 ****

 **Lou sat in sullen silence as Jimmy rode beside her, prattling on endlessly about how beautiful the trail was, how nice a day it was, and anything else he could think of to talk about.**

 **"Let's race," He suddenly suggested.**

 **"I want to go home," Lou whined with the look of a child being dragged across the desert with no water.**

 **"Come on, you think I'll beat you?" Jimmy goaded her.**

 **"Why are you doing this?" Lou begged of him, "Why don't you just leave me alone?"**

 **"You've been left alone long enough Lou." Jimmy suddenly said, looking straight into her eyes, "You've given up on everyone that loves you and on yourself!"**

 **She didn't respond, but Jimmy would have bet money that he'd seen a flicker of anger in her eyes. He latched onto it desperately, like her life depended on it. He believed it did down to his toes.**

 **"You lay in bed day after day feeling sorry for yourself. You just are ready to roll over and play dead and it's selfish and foolish and I'm tired of it."**

 **Now her eyes were glittering with anger, and it spurred Jimmy on, "You got hurt, yes, and it was awful and we're all just so sorry, Lou! But you won, and Wicks is dead, and you aren't! It's time for you to stop acting that way!" He half-shouted.**

 **"How dare you!" Lou whispered, color falling out of her already pale face. "How dare you act as if you understand one thing that I went through or that I felt! How dare you tell me when it's time for me to move on, to forget about it! You don't know!" Her voice was climbing in volume and in pitch and her eyes were filling with tears, "You don't know what it is like to have your nightmare come to life! To chase you right into the life you made to never have to see him again. And to stand before him, helpless as a child, even after everything you've done and everything you have tried to become, and to look into his eyes for some kind of regret for all he's done to you, to wish for an explanation of 'why you' and to see nothing but indifference! I thought about him almost every day of my life after what he done to me...he ain't thought of me once until he thought I had his money!"**

 **"I know I have no idea what you been through...or how you are hurting. Why don't you talk to me about it some?" Jimmy said softly, surprised at how quickly her control had been lost.**

 **"You wouldn't understand!" She flung herself off her horse to stand looking back toward town. But the floodgates were open, unstoppable, and she kept talking as Jimmy stepped off the palomino and stood a few feet away, watching with his heart in his throat.**

 **"You couldn't know what it's like to find yourself in his control again, as powerless to stop him as when you were a child. I can't even remember what he did to me, Jimmy. And that might sound like a blessing, but it ain't! He didn't even care that I was out cold, for God's sake. That's how little thought he gave me. I was nothing to him, and yet his face is all I can see, everytime I close my eyes! How is that fair, damn it! And I wanted to kill him. I want to kill him again. I just want him to die over and over and over, and it is all I can think about. But in my mind, he ain't dead. He's still out there."**

 **"He's gone Lou. And no one blames you for what you did or what you feel. You had no way out, Lou. And that's something I do understand completely. It was him or you, and no one is sorry that it was him that died. We just want you back."**

 **"You can't have me back. I'm not who I was, Jimmy. I'll never be the same again. I don't** ** _want_** **to be the same. I don't want to ever feel like I feel now again!"**

 **Jimmy walked around to where he stood face to face with her. Tears rolled down her face as her control continued slipping, as the walls she'd been fortifying for weeks faltered. He gently placed a hand on each of her shoulders and bent down to look her in the eye, his face only inches from hers.**

 **"You know what I think?" He asked, but didn't wait for an answer, "I think this does not define you. I think that it is time that you grieved. Time that you grieved for a brave woman who saved you and died trying to find that same escape. But most importantly I think it's time you grieved for a child that lost her innocence to a vicious man, and I don't know, maybe you should grieve a little for the woman standing right here in front of me. You got to find the strength to let this out, Lou."**

"Jimmy, I can't. It's gonna rip me wide open...I can't…"

"Darlin', you ain't got a choice. You have to face it, or Wicks' face is all you are ever gonna see when you close your eyes. Damn it, Lou. You're the bravest person I know. You can do this."

Lou looked him fully in the eyes, and Jimmy blinked back his own tears as he saw all in those eyes that he'd ever seen. The fire, the love, the intelligence, and even the sadness that had always been there, and perhaps that touch of sadness always would be there.

The first sob rocked her hard.

"It's all right, Lou, it's time," Jimmy whispered and pulled her closely to him, arms a band of security. She folded her arms against his chest and bent her head into his shirt. For the first time since he'd met her, Lou dropped every pretense of control and didn't try to hide the hurt she'd known. She sobbed like her heart was broken into a million pieces, and Jimmy knew that it was, and he grieved with her. But even as he felt the pain of every indignity done to her, Jimmy felt hope for her.

* * *

 ****

 **It had been a week since Jimmy had returned with a soul-weary, but recognizable Lou. The riders had all watched in amazement at the change the ride had made on her. She took care of her horse after the ride and sat at the table with them for the first time. She had been very quiet at first, but over the next few days she slowly smiled a bit, and then she talked a little more.**

She wasn't her feisty self, but she was trying, she was fighting to put herself back together. She was the only one out of all of them that doubted she could do it.

Kid was speechless when Lou walked out onto the porch to greet him when he returned from his ride.

When Kid had found out it was Jimmy to break through to her, he'd awkwardly approached him a few days later.

"I just wanted to thank you for whatever you said to Lou to make her better."

"I didn't do it for you," Jimmy said simply, as always his feelings for Lou making his loyalty to Kid confusing and frustrating, "I did it for her."

Kid realized as Jimmy walked away how lucky he was that Lou had given her heart to him. For the first time, he wondered how he would feel if it was Jimmy she had fallen for, and that gave him perspective he hadn't had before where Jimmy and Lou were concerned.

A few days later after saddling both Katy and Lightning, Kid pulled them to the porch and called for Lou. "Come on, Lou, it's time to go!"

She came out of the bunkhouse with Rachel and Jesse behind her. The others gathered around curiously.

Teaspoon appeared, holding an envelope. He gave it to Kid.

"Rider up, Lou," Kid grinned at her.

"What are you talking about? I'm not scheduled to make a run until Wednesday."

"Special delivery for Teaspoon. I requested an extra gun."

"The day you request for me to go on a dangerous ride, or any ride for that matter, will be the day hell freezes over," Lou pointed out, "What's going on? Why is everyone so insistent on me going on mystery rides all of a sudden? You think I'm gonna forget how?"

"We're going to St. Joe. And I thought, as long as we were there, we'd stop by the orphanage and visit your brother and sister. Thought you might like to see them," Kid smiled gently as she turned soft eyes on him.

Her eyes held almost no sadness as she leapt down the stairs to throw her arms around him.

"I take it you accept your mission?" Cody commented, his grin curling his mouth.

Within a few minutes they rode out side by side.

"She's sitting tall in that saddle," Teaspoon murmured and sighed with relief.

* * *

 ****

 **A few days later Kid glanced at Lou nervously as she rode down the streets of St. Joe. Her shoulders were squared with purpose.**

 **"It's not too late to change your mind you know," Kid suggested.**

"I want to see it," She insisted, and Kid knew better than to argue with her though he personally did not want anything to do with this errand.

They'd had a wonderful time with the children, taking them to a carnival in town. The goodbyes had been hard, but Kid had no doubt that seeing her brother and sister was exactly the medicine she needed after the scare that they had been hurt by Wicks.

On the other hand, he wasn't sure about this notion that had worked into her brain.

"That's it," she suddenly said very quietly, pulling up.

Kid sighed and let his eyes pass over the brothel. The new owner had already changed the name, and laughter and loud voices came from inside, along with a spirited tune from the piano.

"It seems smaller than I remembered," She murmured.

"Ready to go?" Kid asked. He hated being so close to the place where she'd been hurt so badly. This was where the Lou he had met had been born, in circumstances he never would have wished on anyone he loved. But for the first time, Kid realized that the hard times in her life, as in his, had driven them to meeting.

Lou nodded, but cast one last look over the place, and could almost see it as the dark, frightening place where her innocence had been stolen from her. The vision of Wicks forcing his way into her room played out before her eyes, and she froze and shivered.

Then a warm gentle hand was covering her own, and she was looking fully into the eyes she thought she was destined to look into for all time.

"He is a monster, Lou. But he's dead now," Kid reminded her.

"No, not a monster." Lou said slowly, "Now, he's more like a ghost."

They exchanged a warm look and headed for the loving home they had found. They'd both had their share of ghosts. Lou knew she still had healing to do, might have healing to do for the rest of her life, whenever a certain timbre of voice or carriage of shoulders brought back to mind the man who haunted her. But, she knew for a fact that the ghosts of her past had driven her into the promising arms of the future.

And that, she could live with.

The End

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*I'd love to hear from you if you read this!


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